The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 465

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
October 20, 2008
Production code:
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  • Every Cloud Has A Cheap Tin Lining
"The upside of the economic meltdown! Did you know you can survive for weeks just drinking your own tears!?"
  • Who Wants To Be A Thousandaire
"Then, is your money safe, or is it in a bank!?"
  • The Horn Identity
"And my guest Wynton Marsalis has written a book on Jazz! The interview will be unscripted and last for five hours!"

Flag quote open clear2
If your actions speak louder than words, you're not yelling loud enough!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
October 20, 2008 The Colbert Report

The Economy And Its Effect On Dr. Colbert's WeekendEdit

  • Friday-- Dr. Colbert went antiquing
  • Saturday-- apple picking
  • Sunday-- stabbed in the back by Colin Powell
  • transformational figured
    • transformed him into everything he hated
  • question about Powell's endorsement
    • by Pat Buchanan
      • Would Powell be endorseing Obama if her were a completely diff person
  • Rush shouted the answer from his love bunker
    • knows what black people think
    • is able to convince 100% not to listen to his radio show
  • once you go to Iraq, you never go back
  • 20 other retired generals also endorsed Obama because Powell is black
  • Obama shared an ice cream cone with Bill Ayers on Splash Mountain
  • people are scared
    • fear index, measures market volatility
  • economic crisis has a bright side
    • Jim Cramer says, "trampoline fuel"
  • dream of driving across the country on a motorized trampoline
  • gerbils will not burrow in $20 bills, they are not turtles

The Bright SideEdit

  • if you're not making the money and you're spending it; you're borrowing
  • Said Dr. Colbert is right
  • we can shop our way out, just like we did for Nine Eleven
    • hair of the dog
  • Dr. Colbert has 22 credit cards
  • the good part is everything will be so painful, we'll have to change
  • it hurts so much, we'll have to do the right thing
    • it's great my wife caught me cheating, so now I'll go to the gym

Colbert AluminumEdit

  • Dr. Colbert is not immune, he has been hit personally by the banking crisis
    • cannot fill the Colbert Platinum hot tub with champagne
  • introduce new segment, for the scaled-back viewer:
    • Colbert Aluminum
      • this segment is for aluminum members only
      • if you've haven't had a yacht repossessed in the last 3 months, change the channel

Points Discussed

  • move to less expensive city
    • Forbes
      • Sikorsky, you don't want to be seen in an America's Choice helicopter
      • Paris, France
  • protect your money
    • multiple accounts to spread your risk
  • high-net worth players shouldn't
  • Stealth Wealth
    • Luxury Institute renaming itself "Fancy Spot"
      • Key don't look like a wealthy a-hole, just a jag off
    • Vertu Cobra phone shoots venom into your neck
      • when the Dow dips below $310,000
    • rich people's phones also contain a button for Threven, the number they don't tell poor people about
  • Dr. Colbert may have to eat his shoes if the market doesn't turn around
    • his shoes are made of veal


  • Wynton Marsalis
  • share something in common, they both like to blow their own horn
    • Marsalis played the Colbert theme as he was introduced
  • shared a table at the Time 100 dinner
  • blamed Dr. Colbert for messing up his world
  • new book "Moving to Higher Ground: How Jazz Can Change Your Life"
    • jazz is causing global warming
  • jazz helps him listen
  • Dr. Colbert never listens to everybody, his life is fine
  • look around
  • Jazz is quintessential American art form
  • Dr. Colbert played some horn himself
  • was hip enough to catch what Stephen was laying down
    • Winton said he could be a music critic
  • music is about what we all have in common
  • how does someone win at jazz
    • there may be a point system
  • table jumping
  • people with tears in their eyes
  • Dr. Colbert played the national anthem on his air horn, while Winton accompanied on his trumpet


  • good night everybody!


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