The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 459

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
October 8, 2008
Production code:
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  • Town Hall Beating
"The candidates face off in a town-hall-style debate! I can't wait for their musical-hall-style debate! O-ooh-kla-bama!"
  • Scarborough Fair & Balanced
"Plus, my guest is MSNBC's Joe Scarborough! I'll ask him why his eyes are so tiny!"

Flag quote open clear2
It it's called The USA Today, why is all the news from yesterday!? BUSTED!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
October 8, 2008 The Colbert Report

Second Presidential DebateEdit

  • it's been a long night
  • impromptu town hall during yesterday's show
  • apparently small town folk keep their pants on more than city folk
  • only thing missing form yesterday's presidential debate between McCain and Obama was Karl Rove dumping gatorade on McCain
    • 80+% chose McCain over Obama in an online poll on FOX
    • 56% thought Brit Hume was alive
  • big issue
    • financial crisis
    • both claimed to have seen it coming
    • My letter was ignored before your letter was ignored
  • Americans want a leader who was ignored before everyone else
  • gulf coast hurricanes
    • ignore the first letter, listen to the second
  • Stephen vows to find Amelia's killer "one day"
  • how could people fall for Obama's shameless pandering
  • women can't resist talking about weatherizing their homes
    • Dr. Colbert discussed several types of weatherization materials and processes with appropriate soft core lighting while holding a long stem rose

Final Days Of The Days Of RepentanceEdit

  • Dr. Colbert brings out the Atone Phone as a public service for
    • his brethren,
    • sistren
    • and he-she-thren
  • Dr. Colbert awaits calls from
    • Barney Frank
    • Bette Midler
    • Don Rickles
  • one is not allowed to burnish on Yom Kippur
  • a call Dr. Colbert did not see coming, came in
    • Gilbert Gottfried called!
      • called to apologize for Stephen's success
        • Has been wishing him (and his expensive shoes) ill
  • Stephen and Gilbert will go see Beverly Hills Chihuahua this weekend


  • he has meaty sausage-like fingers
  • what McCain has to do to win
    • Joe says it's too late
  • he has been changed by MSNBC
  • doesn't think the Iraq war hurt the GOP
    • believes it goes back to Katrina
  • likes Sarah Palin
  • He called her a rock star, you betcha!
    • if the vote were closer 1-2% race (instead of 5, 6, 7% difference) Palin would draw out the base
  • Dr. COlbert predicts McCain will pull it out via magic!


  • Dr. Colbert looks forward to his after-show routine:
  • strip down to his socks
  • ice cold bath
  • hot shower
  • hour in the sun lamp
  • suspend himself in a tank of aloe
  • drink of warm milk


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