The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 458

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
October 7, 2008
Production code:
Next Episode

The Check-InEdit


  • Blue-Tube
"Barack Obama has his own TV channel! It's called MSBNC!"
  • Have You No Solvency, Sir?
"Then, is the federal bailout communist!? If it's not, then why are all these companies in the red!?"
  • Take Me Out to the Poll Game
"And, my guest Nate Silver is a baseball statistician who thinks he can predict the outcome of the election! My prediction: Cubs lose!"

Flag quote open clear2
The bad news? The Dow dropped 500 points! The good news? I didn't know there was 500 left!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
October 7, 2008 The Colbert Report

The Presidential CampaignEdit

  • the market may be down, but the mob is up!
  • the media is in the tank for Barack Obama
  • the media mentioned Obama's relationship with Bill Ayers
    • They're gay married!
  • Americans went around the media filter in the town hall debate
  • Dr. Colbert decides to hold a town hall meeting
  • Dr. Colbert got into town hall mode
    • tajke off jacket
    • roll up sleeves
    • loosen tie
    • undo pants
      • Voila! Average Joe Sixpack
  • woman: lost her job, cannot pay mortgage
    • when will campaign directly
      • Obama pals around with terrorists
  • a young man asked
    • is it fair to talk about a Reverend?
      • no, off limits
  • a hipster
    • doesn't remember the reason why he bought a McCain t-shirt
  • a domestic terrorist
    • how best to associate himself with Barack Obama
      • Jimmy assisted with an on-screen graphic that said "barack is the bomb"

Threat Down!Edit

#4 Obama channel!

  • Dish Network #400 (?) plays campaign over and over
    • Dr. Colbert could not turn away; it burned into his brain

#3 Bulls!

  • a company is now selling bullet proof matador suits
  • bulls are now packing heat
    • will destroy bull fighting

#2 Bears!

  • a black bear walked into a Subway sandwich shop
    • they will be leaner, and meaner and aster than ever

#1 Zombies!

The Bailout: A Commie Trojan HorseEdit

  • back from the break Dr. Colbert was fully dressed
  • we gave control of America's companies to the government
  • Dr. Colbert couldn't stop drinking vodka
  • religion may be the opium of the masses, but vodka is the vodka of the masses
  • comics are a simple, clear and effective way to convey the new red menace
  • libraries goal is not to turn a profit
  • our patriotic libraries
  • check out all the books we can
  • and never return them
  • Thus finishing the job Ronald Reagan started!
  • Dr. Colbert not only doesn't return the books, he defaces them
    • he recommends "Sexodus" by Leon Urine


  • Nate Silver
  • a baseball statistician who claims he can predict the outcome of the election; Dr. Colbert is hoping for a rain out
  • makes a living playing with numbers, as males play baseball
  • predicts the Rays
  • considers his web tube a chorizo in sausage terms
  • predicts there is an 89% chance Obama will win
  • claims he is unbiased
  • if Obama is like the Tampa Bay Rays
  • McCain is like Seattle Pilots or Minnesota Braves
  • predicted when we'll have jetpacks


  • Dr. Colbert wishes a personalized "good night" to Christina and Kelly DeFazio of Locust, New Jersey!


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