The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 457

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
October 6, 2008
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  • V.P. v. V.P.
"The Vice Presidential Debate! I'm impartial, but gosh darn it I think it was pretty doggone good!"
  • All The World's Afraid
"Plus, global markets melt down! Turns out every language contains the word AAAGGHHH!"
  • Cramer, No Sugar
"Then, my guest is high-strung financial expert, Jim Cramer! I hope the first three rows brought ponchos for when his head explodes!"

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Stephen Colbert
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~ October 6, 2008

OJ Stays In VegasEdit

  • Dr. Colbert begins the show with various shout-outs to members of the Mob
  • How could OJ be found guilty of kidnapping and armed robbery
    • the police are always framing him
  • The Juice if a close personal friend (Stephen calls him "Juicey")
    • golf buddy
    • wing man
  • he went to jail on purpose to hunt for the real killers inside
    • he's exhausted every avenue (or fairway)
  • Dr. Colbert had the floor plans to OJ's jail on his back
    • and worked on his obliques
    • Dr. Colbert shot an audience member in the other leg in order to get jailed
      • asked OJ not to pick a wife yet--he's on the way!

VP DebateEdit

  • Palin showed she can speak
  • Biden showed he can stop speaking
  • instead of getting bogged down on specifics, she

Tonight's WordEdit

Maverick Without A Cause

  • liberals are always trying to look backwards for a cause
    • Biden showed how sexist he is by saying global-warming is man-made
  • snow mobile trips are like mowing one's lawn for 500 miles
  • "causes" are our country's greatest enemy
    • Biden tries to understand them
  • McCain wants to ignore what caused the Iraq
  • Dr. Colbert wants to live in a world without cause and effect
    • life will be an endless stream of surprises and we will be like three-year-olds

America's EconomyEdit

  • America is in an all-pickle economy
    • after $700 billion
    • Brad Sherman said Congress has shot her wad

Un-American NewsEdit

  • Financial Edition
  • Russia
    • Prime Minister Vlad Putin
      • Secret Russian President
  • German Finance Minister
    • Steinbruck ( does the u in his name have an umlatt, or his tiny balls)

  • America is like Paul McCartney
  • we did such a great job in our earlier work that we can be forgiven for all the later crap we make now
  • France said laissez faire
    • French gay women's street festival
  • Hugo Chavez
  • compared America's financial crisis to an elephant sinking in a pool
  1. a monkey in a bathtub
  2. an elephant sinking in a pool
  3. giraffe sleeping in a jacuzzi
  4. gazelle standing in a bucket of water changing a light bulb
  • Brazil's Da Silva
    • compared America's economy to a casino


  • Jim Cramer
  • hopefully he can scream a solution to our economy
  • said he feels good about the market
  • likes the roller coaster of a volatile market
    • wears a dramamine patch behind his ear before going to work
  • his prediction from a year ago may have been too subtle
    • he know thinks his ATM won't dispense cash
  • How it's Bill Clinton's fault
    • said it cannot be blamed on the Bush Administration
  • lots of blame to go around
    • Democrats wanted Fannie to loan to anybody
    • GOP wanted everyone to own a house
      • or one person (John McCain) can own them all
  • the market is a ground hog
    • saw it's own shadow
  • is this another Depression
    • invest in fedoras and bread crust
    • Campbell's
    • Heinz
    • Kellog's
  • can you trust your money in a bank
    • yes FDIC was raised to $250k
  • What about gold?
    • English actors advice gold
      • they pay Cramer's rent, so he's behind them!


  • time for one more Stephen Colbert Life Drawing Lesson


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