The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 451

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
September 24, 2008
Production code:
Next Episode

The Check-InEdit

  • Dr. Colbert tells His Jewish Friend to kiss his ass, due to the fundamental nature of their relationship having changed.
    • munch his hairy, Irish ass, Stewbag
  • Stephen's Emmy is in love with him!


  • Hey, Bail!
"The Wall Street bailout! Should we give Henry Paulson unchecked power, or merely unfettered omnipotence!?"
  • The Dog Shouterer
"Then, I name my Alpha Dog of the Week! He's so impressive, your leg will want to hump him!"
  • West Toast
"And, my guest is Professor Cornel West, author of "Hope on a Tightrope"! I'll introduce him to "Rage on a Soundstage"!"

Flag quote open clear2
This message will self-destruct! But only if you have one of those new exploding TVs!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
September 24, 2008 The Colbert Report

We Are On The Brink Of Financial RuinEdit

  • much brinkier
    • John McCain is presidentially suspending his campaign for president
      • nothing more presidential
      • he saw frightening numbers
  • John McCain doesn't care about politics
    • would rather lose an election than win an election
  • Stephen is asking His Jewish Friend to suspend their shows
  • The Colbert Report is officially suspended
    • country first (with a few gulps of Bud Light with Lime)
  • Double Suspension
    • Jimmy respensions the show after the financial crisis had not been averted as quickly as Dr. Colbert expected

Paulson and Bernanke Go To CongressEdit

  • Not much gold is left after an Emmy is melted
  • the real blame lies with future administrations (Futures)
    • how dare they will have!
  • Paulson is the same species as Gorlock
  • art is a good analogy to what the economy is because people look at it and say "my five year old could have done that!"
  • Dr. Colbert is calling the financial expert
    • Suze Orman (she called Stephen "Shar")
      • did not recommend America do the $700 billion bailout
  • New York Times Business Columnist, Joe Nocera
  • the bill will save the economy
    • because that's all we got
      • government will print more money
  • doesn't think cutting taxes won't solve the problem like it always had before
  • what can John McCain do to solve the problem
    • all he can do is vote; he has nothing to do with it

Alpha DogEdit

  • Bill Bennett, for going on the Today show to dismiss the opinion of intellectuals!
  • when he was Secretary of Education for Reagan, he...
    • started a program called "Just Say No To Nouns"
    • introduced a 22-letter alphabet
  • his balls are so big, they get their own duncecaps!


  • has no idea what race Dr. West is
    • all he sees is a bushy beard and hair
  • people tell Dr. Colbert he is white because he has a late-night talk show
  • he sees Stephen as a brother in a white European body
  • he considers bling bling is "empty stuff"
  • calls himself an unashamed Christian and free black man


  • If you are having even the slightest symptoms of withdrawal, go to the new
  • searchable library of episodes
    • even when it was hosted by Soupy Sales
      • Stephen says he could never be as good a "Colbert" as him


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