The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 449

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
September 18, 2008
Production code:
Next Episode


  • Ice, Ice Maybe
"The fight for arctic wealth heats up--almost as fast as the arctic!"
  • Me.N.A.
"Then, my DNA gets shot into space! Weirdly, not by me!"
  • Maria Full of Gripes
"And, CNBC's Maria Bartiromo is here to talk about the financial crisis! I hope she doesn't expect to be reimbursed for her travel!"

Flag quote open clear2
I know the knife is supposed to go next to the spoon! But, where does the gun go?!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
September 18, 2008 The Colbert Report

The State Of The EconomyEdit

  • Hollywood's favorite fast food, is In and Out Burger
    • beat out reach around pizze, be careful of the toppings you ask for there
  • Stephen got another Emmy nomination!
    • Outstanding Individual Performance in a Variety Program
    • Shapeliest Legs on a Pundit
      • challenging James Carvill and his Carvills (thick ankles)
  • will be easy as sleeping with the babysitter
  • Tina fey up for Ice Road Truckers
  • Don Rickles!?
  • Stephen always loses to an entertainment legend with an enlarged prostate
    • what Emmy is holding up
  • Dr. Colbert decides to insult the head of the Academy that award to win one (after watching what Rickles did to get nominated)
    • may be the head of the Emmys, ?
    • chairman ?
    • his wife plays the wrap it up music after 30 seconds
    • technical insults were recorded earlier in the week, hosted by Kate Hudson
  • Dr. Colbert clarified what he did to the stool, but only after you marry it

Global WarmingEdit

  • Dr. Colbert's warming be gone is not working
  • if there is an ice Manhattan, there will be
  • 90 billion barels of oil
  • 1500 cubic feet natural gas
  • corpses of elfs that tried to unionize

Smokin' Pole

  • Stephen Harper PM of Canada
  • Russia
  • U.S. is mapping the Arctic Seabed
    • The Fightin' Cartographers
  • Sarah Palin is a super American
    • armed with a hunting knife and a tube of lipstick
  • Dr. Colbert uses his shofar to alert Palin
    • The Palin Signal looks like a moose head with antlers

Operation ImmortalityEdit

  • Dr. Colbert comes back from the break hammering his hand with a sledge hammer and drinks a swig of
  • Dr. Colbert is immortal!
    • His DNA will be
      • bucket of truthguts and Bud Lime
  • Operation Immortality
    • 2 more states legalize gay marriage and God will go apeshit
  • cheek swab
  • some oompf
  • something to make it smell nice
  • Stephen prefers to be the top half if he is bred with an alien


  • Maria Bartiromo
  • Market sold off
    • everyone is worried that the banks need money
      • the banks now need capital because of the bad loans
  • zombie stockbrokers
    • rule the night
    • feast on human flesh
  • she advises relaxation
  • stockholders of AIG did not get a bail out
  • Dr. Colbert defines the free market
  • the bigger the screw up the more likely you will receive a government bail out
  • diversify
    • bury in the backyard and hide it in the mattress
  • gold is okay
  • punditry is always a good investment


  • Dr. Colbert is off to the Emmys, and wishes good luck to anyone who is "me"


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