Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
September 16, 2008
Production code:
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  • Parks Perks
"A sex scandal rocks the Department of the Interior! But, from what I understand they were rocking each other's interiors!"
  • Raked Alaskan
"Plus, who's attacking Sarah Palin now!? My money's on a sexist moose!"
  • Reilly Good Cause
"Then, I sit down with ESPN's Rick Reilly! I predict he's gonna strike out and I'm gonna have two balls!"

Flag quote open clear2
Hey, TiVo owners! Watch for a secret message when you watch the commercials in their entirety!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
September 16, 2008 The Colbert Report

The Big StoryEdit

  • AIG may collapse
    • Dr. Colbert's portfolio is taking a hit
  • Gorlock
    • Tom Cruise and Jenna Elfman recommended him
    • Portfolio is thetan-free
    • Gorlock's phone number is really long; he lives in the suburbs
  • Gorlock says everything is going to be fine
    • fundamentals of the economy is strong
    • McCain's wife is one of their species
  • everything is going according to plan
    • advises Stephen to buy Washington Mutual

What Is Congress Going To DoEdit

  • demand offshore drilling
  • massive ethics violations in Department of Interior
    • joined oil companies for cocaine, marijuana and sex
  • sex and drugs only sounds sordid
    • won't get tied up in red tape (unless that's what your into)
  • Tyson Slocum
    • consumer advocate, professional buzzkill of
  • giving away the store to oil companies
  • fleecing the public
  • oil trickles down to us
    • sex may too
  • they're breaking the rules
    • like mavericks
  • claims a criminal syndicate running things
  • cocaine giving the government oil would solve all the problems
  • anything other than the Bush administration
    • which would obviously be the McCain-Palin administration

Threat Down!Edit

# 5

  • Russia
    • called Palin a guttersnipe

# 4

  • bobcats
    • family of bobcats moved into house in Southern California, perhaps ultimately to direct

# 3

  • Scientists (more threatening than bobcats)
    • may bring the end of the world with the LHC
    • some nerds don't know their Trek from their Wars
      • violation of nerd cred
  • Dr. Colbert had to check his polyhedral dice to see if he is experiencing "terror"

# 2

  • Rat-Bots
    • a tiny robot controlled by a petrie dish of rat neurons (which cause Dr. Colbert to gag)
    • attached by a BluTooth
      • they're rats and assholes
  • Dr. Colbert has a rat trap with cheese and a Maxim subscription card

No shrinkage here.

# 1

  • ice bergs
  • Leo DiCaprio taught Dr. Colbert the joys of lower class dancing
  • massive floating schwanzberg
    • attack on morals and confidence
    • 90% is underwater


  • Rick Reilly
    • columnist for ESPN magazine, if he starts talking about his fantasy Football team, Dr. Colbert will cut his mike
  • pushing a charity-Nothing But Nets
    • provides a anti-mosquito nets to prevent malaria
    • comes in several colors, because white is considered a burial cloth in some villages
  • the nets look like wedding gowns
  • first interview under a net
  • JImmy Carter provided enough nets to cover all of Ethiopia
  • he is a community activism
    • not community organizing, which is laughable
  • gave Dr. Colbert a t-shirt


  • Dr. Colbert timed tonight's Report, but can't get it under 15 minutes.
    • 30 minutes is killing him!


Motherload VideosEdit

External TubesEdit

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Reviews and CommentsEdit


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