The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 447

< The Colbert Report | Episodes | EpGuide

12,431pages on
this wiki
Add New Page
Talk0 Share

Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
September 16, 2008
Production code:
Next Episode


  • Parks Perks
"A sex scandal rocks the Department of the Interior! But, from what I understand they were rocking each other's interiors!"
  • Raked Alaskan
"Plus, who's attacking Sarah Palin now!? My money's on a sexist moose!"
  • Reilly Good Cause
"Then, I sit down with ESPN's Rick Reilly! I predict he's gonna strike out and I'm gonna have two balls!"

Flag quote open clear2
Hey, TiVo owners! Watch for a secret message when you watch the commercials in their entirety!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
September 16, 2008 The Colbert Report

The Big StoryEdit

  • AIG may collapse
    • Dr. Colbert's portfolio is taking a hit
  • Gorlock
    • Tom Cruise and Jenna Elfman recommended him
    • Portfolio is thetan-free
    • Gorlock's phone number is really long; he lives in the suburbs
  • Gorlock says everything is going to be fine
    • fundamentals of the economy is strong
    • McCain's wife is one of their species
  • everything is going according to plan
    • advises Stephen to buy Washington Mutual

What Is Congress Going To DoEdit

  • demand offshore drilling
  • massive ethics violations in Department of Interior
    • joined oil companies for cocaine, marijuana and sex
  • sex and drugs only sounds sordid
    • won't get tied up in red tape (unless that's what your into)
  • Tyson Slocum
    • consumer advocate, professional buzzkill of
  • giving away the store to oil companies
  • fleecing the public
  • oil trickles down to us
    • sex may too
  • they're breaking the rules
    • like mavericks
  • claims a criminal syndicate running things
  • cocaine giving the government oil would solve all the problems
  • anything other than the Bush administration
    • which would obviously be the McCain-Palin administration

Threat Down!Edit

# 5

  • Russia
    • called Palin a guttersnipe

# 4

  • bobcats
    • family of bobcats moved into house in Southern California, perhaps ultimately to direct

# 3

  • Scientists (more threatening than bobcats)
    • may bring the end of the world with the LHC
    • some nerds don't know their Trek from their Wars
      • violation of nerd cred
  • Dr. Colbert had to check his polyhedral dice to see if he is experiencing "terror"

# 2

  • Rat-Bots
    • a tiny robot controlled by a petrie dish of rat neurons (which cause Dr. Colbert to gag)
    • attached by a BluTooth
      • they're rats and assholes
  • Dr. Colbert has a rat trap with cheese and a Maxim subscription card

No shrinkage here.

# 1

  • ice bergs
  • Leo DiCaprio taught Dr. Colbert the joys of lower class dancing
  • massive floating schwanzberg
    • attack on morals and confidence
    • 90% is underwater


  • Rick Reilly
    • columnist for ESPN magazine, if he starts talking about his fantasy Football team, Dr. Colbert will cut his mike
  • pushing a charity-Nothing But Nets
    • provides a anti-mosquito nets to prevent malaria
    • comes in several colors, because white is considered a burial cloth in some villages
  • the nets look like wedding gowns
  • first interview under a net
  • JImmy Carter provided enough nets to cover all of Ethiopia
  • he is a community activism
    • not community organizing, which is laughable
  • gave Dr. Colbert a t-shirt


  • Dr. Colbert timed tonight's Report, but can't get it under 15 minutes.
    • 30 minutes is killing him!


Motherload VideosEdit

External TubesEdit

  • [URL Link Title]
  • [URL Link Title]

Reviews and CommentsEdit


Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.

Also on Fandom

Random Wiki