The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 382

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
April 17, 2008
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Live from Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts Zellerbach Theatre
on the campus of the University of Pennsylvania, it's...

The Stephen Colbert Dorito's Spicy Sweet
Pennsylvania Primary Coverage
Live From Chili-delphia, The City of Brotherly Crunch

Sidekick BanterEdit

  • Last Night in Philadelphia!
  • Check in with Benjamin Franklin, who is working on an invention that will brown bread to a crisp. When Stephen informs him we already have "toasters", Ben believes his life will have amounted to nothing.

Democrat DebateEdit

  • Stephen's Big TV is having technical difficulty
  • Hillary Clinton comes on to fix the mess Stephen finds himself in
  • she asks Jimmy if the video is being patched:
    • through the router or aux buss on the switcher
  • Hillary suggests:
    • toggling the input
  • It did the trick!
  • She also notices Stephen's forehead is a little shiny
    • Hillary calls for make-up to come in and powder him up
  • Hillary tells Stephen to call her anytime, even at 3:00 a.m.
  • George Stephanopolous
    • is biased
  • Could God create a rock so heavy, even He wouldn't know you're a secret muslim
  • Stephen couldn't hear Obama over the sound of him not wearing a flag pin
  • Ted Kennedy supports Obama
    • Ted is a Catholic
    • The Pope is head of the Catholic Church
    • he used to be a Nazi Youth
    • ergo Obama loves Hitler
  • Stephen says ABC did a good job


  • Patrick Murphy
    • only member of congress to have served in Iraq
    • since he's back, we must have won!

This Past WeekEdit

  • Primary is coming to a close
    • pretty actresses pretending to be ugly
  • issues important to white men
    • drinking
    • bowling
    • napping

On NoticeEdit

  • Senator Obama appears on Stephen's Big TV
  • Stephen disagreed with Obama about political distractions
  • distractions wont fix economy
  • wont fix healthcare
  • get us out of iraq
  • Obama knows grizzly bears, they are a threat to America
  • Stephen officially switches James Brady with distractions
  • Manufactured Political Distractions are officially On Notice


  • Thank You
    • Doritos
    • Philadelphia
  • He's told you how to think, now go vote!


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