The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 381

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
April 16, 2008
Production code:
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"Stephen's Mob says, "TEE!""
"Stephen's Mob says, "ARR!""
"Stephen's Mob says, "YOO!""
"Stephen's Mob says, "TEE!""
"Stephen's Mob says, "AYCHH!""
"Stephen's Mob says, "TROOTH!""

Flag quote open clear2
I knew it!.
This is
The Colbert Report.
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
April 16, 2008 The Colbert Report

Live from Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts Zellerbach Theatre on the campus of the University of Pennsylvania, it's...
The Stephen Colbert
Dorito's Spicy Sweet
Pennsylvania Primary Coverage
Live From Chili-delphia,
The City of Brotherly Crunch

Fair And BalancedEdit

  • on yesterday's show, Dr. Colbert stated that, as First Lady, Michelle Obama would be like Jackie O.
  • In the interests of being fair and balanced, Dr. Colbert said,

Sidekick BanterEdit

  • Stephen reminds The Heroes that his sidekick, Ben Franklin was known for his aphorisms, he then asked Ben to hit him with a proverb:
"Men and melons are hard to know."
  • melons were a bigger deal back in Ben's day
  • Stephen then asked Ben if he wrote that Hang In There 'Til Friday with the kitten hanging from the branch
  • Ben said he didn't
  • Stephen said, too bad, he wishes he could get that guy on the show

Barack Obama & Hillary Clinton's Epic BattleEdit

  • Stephen believes they are both qualified to destroy the democrat party and would make a dream ticket

Pope Is In America!Edit

  • Christmas came early this year: The Pope is in America!
  • met with President Bush
    • the two leaders of the most powerful theocracies in the world
  • Stephen has trouble telling them apart:
    • they're both infallible
    • they both did things when they were younger that they wish people would forget
      • one was a cheerleader, the other Nazi Youth (it's a fine line)
  • Dr. Colbert heard about the Pope's trip to America in Pontiff Beat Magazine
  • Stephen can no longer hide his excitement, he's Popeing A Chubby
  • The Pope is here for his birthday!
  • Stephen sand the birthday song to him:
"Felicem Natalem Diem
Felicem Natalem Diem
O Care Popa Benedictum Sextus Decimus
Felicem Natalem Diem"
  • Then Stephen wished him "Et Pluri Mas!"
  • Stephen admired the Pope's youthful glow and reminded his teen viewers that's what they'll get with a lifetime of abstinence

Sidekick Banter 2Edit

  • Stephen asked Ben, what his enlightened deist friends thought of the Pope
  • Ben said as ambassador to France, he had intimate dealings with Catholics
  • Stephen asked Ben if he was talking about French Whores
  • Ben grinned maniacally, and said "yes!"
  • Ben Franklin is the Founding Father of one country...that he knows of

Democrat's DebateEdit

Journey To EnlightenmentEdit

  • Part 2
  • Dr. Colbert visits Constitution Centre Center



  • Ben is the newest Eagle Cheerleader!
  • Stephen is looking forward to seeing him in short-shorts


This is an abbreviated gallery. For the full gallery, click here

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