Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
March 31, 2008
Production code:
Next Episode


  • Tibet or Not Tibet
"I don't report on the crushing of dissidents in Tibet. Sorry monks, next time get reincarnated in America."
  • Mr. Left
"Then, is Obama too liberal? Wait a second – I'm still trying to decide if he's black enough."
  • Garbage Inn
"And my guest Michael Reynolds builds houses out of garbage. I wonder what he could build out of my Bear Stearns stock."

Flag quote open clear2
We have a really big show tonight, but it's a little sensitive, so call it husky.
This is
The Colbert Report.
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
March 31, 2008 The Colbert Report

Baseball's Opening DayEdit

  • The Cubs have not won a World Series in 100 years
    • Will the Cubs ever win another World Series?
    • We can learn something

Pennsylvania PrimaryEdit

  • Did you know the Liberty Bell has a crack in it?
    • when it was being crafted, Benjamin Franklin gave it syphillis!
  • Dr. Colbert will be there April 14-17!!
    • good seats are still available
      • only if you are Senator Obama or Senator Clinton
  • Stephen holds these chips (Doritos) to be self-excellent
  • the primary to decide the Democrat nominee
    • Dr. Colbert's straw poll
      • go to
        • no donations yet for the Mike Gravel Hobo School for Pie Stealing
  • Obama went bowling
    • hitting the sides of the lanes
      • scored a 37
    • most disgraceful since Nixon dropped bowling balls on Cambodia
  • Dr. Colbert wants Hillary on his midnight bowling league
  • Obama is a liberal!
    • from John McCain
    • from John McCain's advisors
      • New York Times asks: "Can a liberal be a uniter?"
  • Eric Alterman
    • author of Why We're Liberals
  • claims liberals are after the truth

Appetite WhettingEdit


    • SUBLINK1
    • SUBLINK2


  • Michael Reynolds, star of "Garbage Warrior"
    • builds houses out of garbage, big deal; Oscar the grouch does that all the time
  • uses garbage as a resource
  • one day people may fight over garbage


Dr. Colbert spoke to someone off-camera before ending the show.


Motherload VideosEdit

External LinksEdit

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