The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 349

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
February 5, 2008
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Dr. Colbert reviews the previous day's excitement involving The Giant Irishman.



No statement of truth, show started with theme and opening graphics.


Happy Super TuesdayEdit

Dr. Colbert declares that his mob should be a biofuel

  • set a table for Elijah or Mike Gravel
  • who will be the New Ronald Reagan
    • put McCain and Romney in a room alone with Nancy Reagan.
    • have them say "Mommy" over and over, and see who she comes to
  • Democrats don't have big shoes to fill, but they do have quite a few of them to try on
  • Romney understands the Reagan Legacy
  • Hillary Clinton believes she will be the one to take on America's Party
    • the best place America can place their hopes and dreams
    • like Evander Holifield's head (where Stephen puts all his fine china)
  • Don't know much about Obama
    • when or where or how he will attack

Super Tuesday's Big Catch is California with their latino vote

  • targeting with spanish language ads
    • emphasize family
  • not all can afford a spanish language ad
    • Stephen made one for Ron Paul
  • Jimmy Fingers is his cousin
  • his uncle is El Chupacabra
  • Angelo Falcone
    • talked with Dr. Colbert about latino vote
    • single monolithic voting block, a one issue group of people
      • Stephen has never been to Puerto Rican (he doesn't know what they look like)
  • latinos and blacks may hate each other, it's complicated
    • some politicians are simplifying it
    • if they ever get together, people like Stephen are threatened (Divide and Conquer)
    • won't predict who will get their vote
      • no Republicans (defenestrate Latinos)

Something CheerfulEdit


Dr. Colbert acknowledges your existence, Margaret!

  • smallest giraffe born in England
  • Mukasey isn't sure what torture is
    • waterboarding can seem adorable
    • asked to define it
    • irresponsible for the AG to answer the question
  • Teddy Kennedy asked if waterboarding is torture if it were done to Mukasey
    • waterboarding is torture if done to Mukasey
    • anyone else, irresponsible to provide an answer
  • Future Waterboarding
    • permission
    • inform CIA
  • Torture is chic
    • John Galliano
      • fashions inspired by torture
      • turn Abu Ghraib into Abu Fabulous


  • war hero, former presidential candidate, former Senator, Bob Dole


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