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||Date: June 25, 2007||Season:||Episode: 278||Production code: 3085||
~ Stephen Colbert
June 25, 2007 The Colbert Report
- Healthy young dumpster divers
The Special Tropical-Themed Threat DownEdit
- 5. Sand!
- Sand causes more deaths than sharks - why not devote a week to that, Discovery Channel? Stephen has never trusted this seemingly innocent silicate. It has always proved an inadequate building material for his castles.
- 4. Japan!
- Changed the name of Iwo Jima to Iwo To. Change the history books will you, Japan? Well, two can play at that game. From now on, Japanese internment camps will be known as Best Happy Mandatory Sleepover Fun Zones.
- 3. Octopi!
- They are honing their Lego skills while plotting a takeover. These octonazis will then use their building skills to make a staircase out of the sea. Good luck trying to outrun something with eight legs, everybody. It's up to Japanese Game Show Contestants to fight them off for us.
- 2. Coral Reefs!
- They all have herpes. Scientists blame humans for putting too much carbon into the oceans, but that doesn't answer the basic question: Who's been fucking these sluts of the sea?
- 1. Dolphins!
- Dolphins are the bears of the sea. Like bears, they are vicious killers at the top of their respective food chains. Plus, both species harbor ill will against us for humiliating them to entertain our children. Fish or mammal? Pick a side, dolphins. We're at war.
If you didn't, we'll still see you again tomorrow — read your contract.
~ Stephen Colbert
June 26, 2007