The Colbert Report/Episode/592

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
July 28, 2009
Production code:
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Show began without Statements of Truthiness

Obama's Anti-Learning BiasEdit

  • after rage-voguing and a quick sample from a medium-fine Sharpie, Sir Dr. Colbert enjoys a quick Stephen! Stephen! chant from his mob
    • which was surprising because he didn't know there was an audience with him tonight
  • this all started when Crowley arrested Gates in the act of being in his own home
    • Gates' fingerprints were everywhere
  • Obama made the mistake of involving himself in a city-specific issue, which The Greatest President Ever never made
    • no matter how flooded the city got

Where Was Obama Born?Edit

  • America faces many questions
    • why can't a monkey get a driver's license?
      • even if that monkey can maneuver through Stephen's home obstacle course
  • one thing every American knows for sure:
    • Barack Obama was not born in the United States
      • making him Constitutionally ineligible to serve as President
  • Stephen is a proud member of the Birther Movement
    • which is made up of decent, old-fashioned Americans who only want to overturn a democratic election
  • On July 27, 2009, the Birther Movement made it all the way to the White House
    • via the Press Briefing when Robert Gibbs said there was nothing he could do to get rid of them because,
"... for $15, you can get an Internet address and say whatever you want."[1]

In The NurseryEdit

  • Stephen begins the Report in the Colbert Report Nursery
    • where he reports on all the babies born in America, including Presidential births
    • he even performs brises when needed
    • and protects America from Guam babies (by stamping their foreheads for future identification)
  • Evidence: high volume of Presidential Fraud Claims
    • being yelled At a high volume
  • Evidence: Obama's Birth Certificate

The Stakes Are HighEdit

"Whereas the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama, was born in Hawaii on August 4, 1961[3]"
  • this would have been a blow to the birther movement had it taken place in the United States instead of the District of Columbia, which obviously isn't a state; it's only a district
  • World Net Daily is offering $10,000 for anyone who witnessed Obama's birth
    • whether it took place in Hawaii
      • or elsewhere
    • finally evidence more reliable than a government document: someone willing to say something for $10,000!
  • Stephen would only be satisfied when he hears from one of the sperm that was there when Obama was conceived
    • there were over 150,000,000 present at the time and not one has yet to come forward
    • if you are one of the 150,000,000 sperm there, Stephen would like to know what you heard:
      • ukulele music or tribal drums
      • how many times did you hear the name "King Kamehameha" or the phrase "Book 'em, Dano!"
  • America cannot allow a Kenyan to lead us, we have to take him down
    • after the break

After The BreakEdit

  • the mother of the birther movement, Orly Taitz
    • has not been afraid to take this issue head on
    • both parents must be citizens
      • may not be in the Constitution, but it is a basic fact taught to every school child who grew up with Ms. Taitz in the Soviet Union
  • too many Republicans holding elected office will not back Ms. Taitz, however, Sir Dr. Colbert agrees with her that,
    • Obama is a terrible president
    • and we have to have him removed from office by any weird loophole we can make up
  • They agree that the name "birther" implies Obama was birthed
    • Stephen will only be satisfied when he can feel bellybutton lint on his finger
      • Ms. Taitz agrees that this is an important point


    • SUBLINK1
    • SUBLINK2





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