The Colbert Report/Episode/579

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
June 29, 2009
Production code:
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Show began without opening Statements of Truthiness


  • who could imagine people could give as much love as Stephen's Mob
    • it's unprecedented
  • it's true everyone is still in shock over the death of Michael Jackson
  • good memories
    • up until 1989
  • Mahmoud Ahma-mamma-say-mamma-say-ama-dinejad sent a card
  • not just Iran
    • Michael Jackson
  • SC gov Mark Sanford admitted cheating on his wife one day too soon
  • now is the time to commit acts of depravity and not get caught
  • apparently there is a blonde wig, a puppy and some kind of nose candy in The C-Desk


  • if you count everyone ...
  • in the past they have made mistakes
  • fastes growing group
    • is multi-racial
  • America is a melting pot, not a
  • non-whites
  • non-Christians
  • Republicans are working to undermine it
  • Senate GOP have blocked Obama's choice for Census director
  • ACORN is Obama's secret weapon
  • GOP Steven King
    • Dems did exactly what Dick Cheney did with Halliburton
  • must attack real problem
    • counting uses Arabic numerals
    • known associate of vampires
  • 7734 upside-down is satanic
  • stop finding out who America is made of
    • deep down we know America is a conservative country, as long as we are conservative about who we count


  • Dr. Colbert has some more sad news
  • multiple tweets declared Jeff Goldblum died at the age of 56
  • Dr. Colbert declared that the dead can twitter
  • no one will miss Jeff Goldblum more than Jeff Goldblum
    • muscularity of Brando
  • *being caught in a flesh storm with a 90% chance of satisfaction
  • when Jeff Goldblum passed away, he will be missed


  • only 6-time nailed
  • he's a scientist
    • 7x7=49 (in base 10)
  • Host of NOVA Science Now
  • society that Stephen lives in doesn't have science
  • see science as existing all around
  • there may be no science in medicine
    • science of nailing
  • he is a knowledge pusher
    • first show is free
  • tries to make science accessible
  • The USA Today had a poll saying how many Americans can name a scientist
  • it takes the Earth one year to go around the sun
    • on average
  • Obama is creating an atmosphere and landscape
    • last person to do that? God


  • however Stephen encounters something for the first time, that's how it should always be
    • always eats bananas mushed in a cup
  • 8-Tracks force consumers to listen to every song on the album
  • Robin Zander and Rick Nielsen performed "Sick Man of Europe"
    • Nielsen played a guitar labeled "TRUTHINESS"


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