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The Colbert Report/Episode/571

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Production InfoEdit

FlyingEaglePREV
Previous Episode
Date:
June 15, 2009
Season:
Season5
Episode:
571
Production code:
5080
FlyingEagleNEXT
Next Episode

The Check-InEdit

  • Dr. Colbert salutes His Jewish Friend
    • who leads his audience in a standing ovation for Stephen
  • Stephen is having trouble getting used to wearing civilian clothes
    • Stewart wears a kevlar cup

IntroEdit

Tonight
  • Lil'er Kim
"AUDIO1"
  • 21st Century Breakdown
"AUDIO2"
  • Austan Cowers
"AUDIO3"


Flag quote open clear2
Bathing suit season is right around the corner ... for you prudes who wear them!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
June 15, 2009 The Colbert Report



Colbert's Has Come Home!Edit

  • Dr. Colbert is not wearing a wig
  • he orders His Mob to calm down in m ilitary speak (at ease)
  • he is finally home
  • the toughest longest 5 days of his life
  • everything is so different now that he's been to war
    • he will never forget the troops at Camp Victory's Cinnabon
      • semper frosting
  • he didn't know that one guy came out
  • the voices are with him even now
  • the flight back was long enough that he was able to grow his hair back
    • he can run his fingers through it
  • he misses the action and camaraderie and climate
    • which he can recreate it any time he wants
      • the blow dryers blew off his hair
  • he has always said Matt Lauer is a good looking guy


Stephen's Sound AdviceEdit

  • the UN threatened North Korea
    • deprive them of gravity
  • Kim is the last surviving munchkin
  • Kim Jong Un was named Kim's youngest son and successor
  • he has to prove that he has what it takes
  • How to be a Totalitarian Nutjob
    • crazier than all the Kims who came before him
      • internets sex tape would not hurt
  • try kidnapping random people
    • shows you're not afraid to take what you want
  • Bolster reputation
    • Invent wacky mythology
  • Be fashionable!!
    • unique style
      • might include mustaches
    • Stephen suggests wearing:
      • a dickie, wading boots, lederhosen and a full Specter

SEGMENT3Edit

  • America's auto industry fell apart faster than an American car while he was away
  • the only thing more important than saving an American car company it's destroying the Obama Administration
  • Car Shout
    • like NPR's Car Talk
      • except he knows nothing about cars and he doesn't broadcast in the nude (That's why they're called Click and Clack)


  • first up: GM
  • there is an Escalade-shaped hole in the ozone layer
  • every dollar spent on GM
  • Hot Wheels is the only car company that has never taken a government bailout
  • Ed W. in Detroit, Michigan
    • wonders if Stephen could tell him about cars, first describing one
  • cars have wheels
    • Phones and cars are different
  • a business is a business
    • he promises to deliver a car as well as he makes phones ... [CARRIER LOST]
  • Joan F. from Dallas, Texas
    • wonders about her warrantees
  • tow your car to Washington, D.C.
  • Fred W. not from Detroit, Michigan
    • also wants to know about cars too

InterviewEdit

  • Austan Goolsbee
    • Staff Director, Economic Recovery Advisory Board
    • economic adviser for President Obama, Stephen wonders if he came up with tax or spend
  • was one of Harry Potter's teacher
    • he was a ghost and his death was foreshadowing
  • first Obama White House guy
    • not in the cabinet
  • member of the task force for the auto industry
  • he says not to believe anything the Canadians say
    • Harper is a madman
  • he predicts in a year from now we'll be in a very happy place
    • we'll all be in Disneyland
  • how will socialism solve things?
    • get off the bubble and bust cycle
    • healthcare
    • energy policy
    • financial regulators
  • try to prevent stuff from happening again
  • sick version of the Olympics
  • he will admit that when George Bush left office there was still a GM
  • Stephen goes jetskiing with Rush
  • no one will help them
    • helping them succeed will prove socialism works
  • if it works that means government intervention works
  • Obama has always wanted to run GM
    • it was a dream of his father
  • a person saving a kid from a burning building might not be charged with kidnapping
  • Dr. Colbert hopes everything works out because he loves money

EpilogueEdit

  • Dr. Colbert is confused about whether it is now the end of the show
    • he may have been driving for the last 10 minutes

GalleryEdit

Official Truthy VideosEdit

External TubesEdit

  • [URL Link Title]
  • [URL Link Title]

Reviews and CommentsEdit

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