The Colbert Report/Episode/569

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Production Info Edit

Previous Episode
June 10, 2009
Production code:
Next Episode

Intro Edit

Private Colbert opens the show from his very own spider hole.

He brushes hair, then says: "Nice. This is the Colbert Report!"

This is "Operation Iraqi Stephen: Going Commando!"
Broadcasting from Camp Victory, Baghdad, Iraq!


  • feels right at home he has identified with strong military from an early age
  • as a child he ate Cap'n Crunch
    • as an adult Admiral Crunch
      • pours rum over it for a more mature taste
  • is there more to Iraq than sand, air, air-sand
  • Better Know A Cradle Of Civilization
  • garden of eden between Tigris and Euphrates
  • Ancient King hamurabi
    • codex oldest written laws of mankind
  • in 650 Arab tribes introduced Islam
  • blah, blah, blah ... in 1979 Saddam Hussein rose to power
    • proved to be a meglomaniac
  • he also hosted The Apprentice
  • sent to live on a farm upstate
  • chickpeas

Deputy Prime Minster of Iraq, Barham Saleh

  • he is the Joe Biden of Iraq
  • works to bring democracy to Iraq
    • after years under a brutal dictatorship
  • says Iraqis have work to do to rebuild their country
  • he is a Kurd
  • Iraq is kind of like Texas
  • has a PhD in Oceanography, which he might not have a chance to use
    • statistics

Colbert Report Baghdad Shout-Out Edit

  • Joe Biden asks the troops not to give Stephen a sidearm

USO Care Packages With Tom Hanks Edit

  • Private Colbert put together packages with Supreme Allied Nice Guy Tom Hanks
    • fake World War II and fake Vietnam War vet
  • Stephen has tremendous imaginary respect for him
    • Mr. Hanks can pretend to appreciate it
  • Items to include in a care package:
    • shaving cream or gel
    • Tang
      • Fun Fact #1: Iraq may be made up of rusty tang
      • Fun Fact #2: Dr. Colbert's porn name was, for a while, "Rusty Tang"
    • trail mix
      • is a metaphor for Iraq, with the nuts and raisin are like the Sunnis and Shiites (they're different, but they can get along) with the troops adding sweetness and peace as MnMs
        • The little fruits go to Dubai on the weekend
  • alcohol is not allowed in Iraq, so Stephen and Tom enjoyed one for them
  • The two decided that it would be a great idea to send two things that everyone loves:
    • ice cream
    • puppies
  • They soon discover that they can't send theme together because the puppies keep trying to eat the ice cream
    • they tried to train the puppy not to eat the ice cream, but the training didn't take
  • instead they decide to send an ice sculpture of a puppy eating ice cream
    • which was neutered
  • alas, it was too big to fit in the box, so they decided to chip it into little pieces to ship over as a puzzle to be put back together
  • a discussion over who was the nicest guy in Hollywood ensued ending with Stephen in a crate with a puppy
  • Visit to sponsor a USO care package

Colbert Report Baghdad Shout-Out Edit

  • Sarah Palin asks the troops to look out for her son, Track
    • he will be the only soldier on a snowmobile

Interview Edit

  • works under Odierno
    • won't say he does the real work
  • he gets to spend his days with the troops
  • Odierno works at the strategic level
  • of the 130,000 soldiers his favorite sits in the front seat
  • it's still dangerous, but they're hopeful
  • what kind of trust exercises with the Iraqis?
  • what lessons learned might not translate to war in Afghanistan
  • Afghanistan is different
    • not near Paraguay
  • what lessons learned might not translate to war in Iran
  • he thanked Stephen for declaring victory
    • he agrees with General Odierno
  • how will we know when we've won

Epilogue Edit

  • Private Colbert said good night from the audience as a soldier rubbed his shaved head

Gallery Edit

Official Truthy Videos Edit

External Tubes Edit

  • [URL Link Title]
  • [URL Link Title]

Reviews and Comments Edit


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