The Colbert Report/Episode/566

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Previous Episode
June 4, 2009
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  • L. Ron Hubbub
  • Coitus Interrupter
  • Dag The Bible Hunter

Flag quote open clear2
This show's got everything from soup to nuts! By the way, stay away from the soup, my nuts were in there!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
June 4, 2009 The Colbert Report


  • we are all as fresh as daisies
  • he ahs been a strong supporter of Wikipedia since 1994
    • and original base player for the grateful Dead
  • listed Tom Cruise as 5'10"
  • Arbitration Commitee
    • their robes are bathrobes
    • they do this until they get a life
  • the worst tragedy since the volcano incident


  • skimpy clothes and bare flesh
    • make Stephen think of abstinence only education
  • Obama cuts funding for it
    • only give money if you screw people
  • dangerous
    • National Abstinence Education Association
  • it is known for its breadth
    • don't have sex
    • have sex don't
  • teenage programs rigorous investigation
    • new spokesperson, Bristol Palin
      • imagine how many babies she would have had if she wasn't abstinent
  • Obama will remove a proven moral high ground
  • a few short months left to scare America's youth not to have sex
  • Aspire
    • warns teens if they choose sex instead of windsurfing
  • warn them spontaneous genital combustion
  • secks
    • if you do it ...
  • sperm came come back up and impregnating a boy with a baby in his nutsack
  • when it comes to finding real world alternatives to abstinence education, tell the kids: Just Don't Do It


  • doctor at a Toronto hospital is able to keep human lungs outside the body
  • will increase office productivity
  • looks like two sweaty armadillos doing it
  • or aerial views of Alan Greenspan


  • he's Swedish
    • wilcommen(sp)
  • turned the New Testament into a glossy magazine
    • like Cosmo or Glamour
  • the Bible tells us to reject sexy, worldly sex-based
  • the Bible is the most referenced, least read book
  • Why is Muhammed Ali in the Bible?
    • Swedish kids were asked who has done something good for the world
  • includes
    • Princess Di
    • Angelina Jolie
    • and Bono
  • is idolatry
  • it is Stephen's style to appear to be attack his guests
  • it is commercializing the Bible
  • brought a business model to the Bible
    • not discussion
  • any product placement?
    • includes a bottle of Coca-Cola
  • Sierra Mist might play a bit
    • Jesus could hold an iPhone
  • it matters if he is a Christian
  • men don't go to hairdressers, they go to barbers for their Bible talk
  • is mentioned in the book of Matthew



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