The Colbert Report/Episode/560

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
May 19, 2009
Production code:
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  • Richard Milhouse Fixin'
  • Push Comes To Gov
  • Kirn After Reading

Flag quote open clear2
I don't like to brag; I love it!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
May 19, 2009 The Colbert Report


  • few last kernles of popcorn
  • misses the Bush Administration
  • knew where you stood
      • occasionally on a box holding electrodes
  • Whom shall I send, and who go for us
  • had the full armor of God, they didn't need
  • considered changing the Pentagon to the Jesus Fish
  • Rumsfeld had to compete with Jesus' less than hawkish memos


  • Gallop poll has lost in nearly every demographic
  • rebranding advice
  • how can they look better
    • GOP wanted to make everything else look worse
  • renaming the Democrats as the Democra t Socialist Party
  • GOP are rebranding healthcare
    • that means they had to have
  • Luntz wrote a memo
    • government take over of health care
  • Mom & Pop Massive Insurance Conglomerates
  • The Mob loves insurance companies
  • 33% under 30 thinks that socialism is better than capitalism
  • Democrat Atheist?
  • The Bad Party?
    • attract teenagers
  • Stephen suggests that the Democrats be renamed The Republican Party
  • when you've spent years destroying your own name,

Difference MakersEdit

  • Dr. Colbert is no fan of regulation, who is the government to tell him not to yell "fire" in a theater?
    • how can Stephen market his line of portable fire extinguishers?
  • pry his guns from his pretending to be fake dead hands
  • unnecessary regulation
  • a canvas upon which to paint a character
  • interactive theater
    • has done Renaissance Faire
    • Doc Holiday in Tombstone, Arizona
  • new mayor shut down street show
  • he won his trial


  • he learned that few
  • overeducated? undereducated
  • he says landscaping is better
    • they also serve quail
  • anti-meritocracy
    • doesn't reward depth
  • what gets rewarded
    • define words like insipiant(?)
  • good at cocktail parties, but not competent
  • Texas Rangers still exist
  • haul up the ladder after he reaches the top
  • what does he want out of education?
    • it is safer to be sending people to war, not going
  • graduate knowing how to fix internal cumbustion engine
    • get along with people unlike themselves
    • know the diff between Iraq, Iran
    • know there's a diff between Sunni, Shia Muslims
  • he attended Princeton
  • his book is average
    • average among his 99% percentile
    • for The Heroes it's great!


  • Dr. Colbert closed with a hearty, "That's it for the show!"
    • by which he means his show


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