The Colbert Report/Episode/554

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
May 7, 2009
Production code:
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  • Clasp Your Hands and Say Yaweh
  • Arctic Monkeys
  • Low-Carbon Diet

Flag quote open clear2
Remember, when you hear the secret word, scream real loud! The secret word: Shhh!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
May 7, 2009 The Colbert Report


  • it's no secret if Stephen wanted to he could bring
    • he refuses to talk about it
  • recognize exemplary work of other pundits
    • Sean Hannity, neck can be used as a floatation device
  • Hannity's Liberty Tree
  • Freedom Fungus
    • Tinactic of Tyranny
  • Pomegranate of Reverse Discrimination
  • when the apples fall off the tree, they fill the crate of socialism
  • Hannity didn't go far enough with his Liberty tree analogy


  • National Day of Prayer
    • come together in love
  • goes all the way back to 1952, signed by Truman
  • Obama isn't having a public ceremony
  • Obama prays in private
    • the only thing a president should be doing in private is rendition prisoners
  • Gospel of Matthew says,
"Whenever you pray, go into your room and lock the door"
  • Dr. Colbert will introduce his own National Prayer
  • Prayer cap
  • Holy Cross Cheetos
  • Giant foam Prayer hands
  • The Dansciples, Dr. Colbert's prayer pep squad
  • Dear Lord,
    • one final thought: Dorito Pudding?
  • Dr. Colbert suggests baptizing Bo (he needs saving, he's Portuguese!)


  • Smokin' Pole
  • bonanza of arctic treasures
  • belongs to America
    • Superman lives there
  • Nunatsiaq News
  • Innuit Indians trying to steal out land
  • need 100 words for surrender
  • Frenemy (frozen enemy)
  • Canada's secret progrm
    • Polar Breeze
    • Canada has a national
  • sounds like a flavor of Dentyne
  • Russia power arctic oil drilling with floating nuculer power plants
    • the only thing missing previously is the ability to capsize
  • America will have to drill for oil using nuculer missiles


  • Mitchell Joachim
    • urban designer
    • official tube:
    • (?)
    • wants to build carbon-neutral cities, he wants human beings to be something-else-based life forms
  • computation and architecture
  • got lost in the woods of his mind; it;'s dark and Stephen is scared
  • city environment
    • cities don't have environments
  • live in cities sustainably
  • live like Jetsons
  • elevators made skyscrapers possible
  • we already have cars
    • they influence cities
  • what he can change cars
    • make it human
    • make it comfortably
    • nerf car
  • he researched by watching Knightrider
  • eventually everyone will be living in his hair


  • Dr. Colbert says to remember to have your pet spayed or neutered
    • to the animal members of The Nation: RUN! They're coming for your junk!


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