The Colbert Report/Episode/545

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
April 22, 2009
Production code:
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  • Summit of all Fears
"President Obama returns from the Summit of the Americas! Why wasn't I there!? I am Americas!"
  • Arabian Late Nights
"Then, an update on my top secret Persian Gulf Trip! It's a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, stuffed in a pita!"
  • The Glass Enragery
"Then, I talk with "This America Life" host Ira Glass! But mostly, I'm gonna make fun of his glasses!"

Flag quote open clear2
I float like a butterfly and sting like a bee! If that fails, I curl up like an armadillo!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
April 22, 2009 The Colbert Report

Spreading the GreenEdit

  • Dr. Colbert has an allergy to o much love
  • he is not a fan of earth day
    • got his free-range goat
  • infected the Price Is Right
    • only place left where people pay the retail price
  • Vomit! Come on up!
  • never lets models exhale
  • Dr. Colbert guesses $1 on the Ed Begley prize
  • the show is all about consumption
  • Drew Carey reminded everyone to have their Ed Begley spayed and/or neutered

Summit of the AmericasEdit

  • smile-powered friendship train
  • Palled around with Felipe Calderon
  • rolled into Trinidad
    • smiled next to Hugo Chavez
  • leftist history book
    • triple redundant
  • in our defense: they had so much gold! (Shiny!!)
  • Bill Bennett wants to know what the other hand doing?
  • did Obama give Chavez a reach-around
  • cannot list all the abominations because he cannot speak Spanish

Where In The World And Where In Time Is Stephen Colbert Going To Be In The Persian Gulf? Edit

  • calibration is Colbertese for tie adjustment
  • traveling to the Persian Gulf
  • can show on the his map of Pangaea (from out of the
    • before the continents split up, Yoko's fault
  • 15 countries
    • our ally between when we give them weapons
    • and when they start using them
  • method he always uses

Press Your Luck Board

  • Qatar!
    • is not Michigan
  • how to pronounce
    • Qwutter
      • post death to America in 140 characters or less
  • one park ranger who filled out the wrong form
  • home of the quick response unit
  • pearling industry
    • no one could telll when women were wearing them
  • adjust his behavior
    • no alcohol or pornography
      • they never say anything about O'Doul's or Talbot's Catalogue
  • it is normal for two men to hold hands in friendship
    • Dr. Colbert practiced with Killer
      • this did not include interlocking fingers


  • he wouldn't mind if Dr. Colbert pretends to eat soup
  • will stage a live cinema performance
    • like entering a novel in a bake-off
  • doesn't know his limits
  • it's always about cash with his people
  • he doesn't take on any vocal affectations
  • people have an image of what they expect his radio cast to look like
    • strapping swashbuckler
  • people expect him to be shorter and older than what he looks like
    • or heavier or younger
  • Dr. Colbert prefers public radio shows over NPR shows


  • Dr. Colbert reminds The Heroes to never ever go to bed angry; he'll do that for us!


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