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The Colbert Report/Episode/544

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Production InfoEdit

FlyingEaglePREV
Previous Episode
Date:
April 21, 2009
Season:
Season5
Episode:
544
Production code:
5053
FlyingEagleNEXT
Next Episode


IntroEdit

Tonight
  • Torture Logic
"President Obama releases CIA torture memos! It's like the Greatest Hits of our greatest hits!"
  • Rage Coach
"And my guest is Mike Krzyzewski, coach of the Duke Blue Devils! Might have made the Final Four if it was the Blue Jesuses!"


Flag quote open clear2
For NHL playoff highlights and scores ... move to Canada!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
April 21, 2009 The Colbert Report



SEGMENT1Edit

  • reign of justice
  • our media is dominated by lightweights
    • Anderson Cooper says he 360, not
  • George Will
    • triple pleat herring bone trousers
    • rhino balls
    • shines light on only issue that matters: Demon Denim
      • symptomatic of deep disorders in
  • Satan's Leg Tubes
    • clerical vestments
  • George Will - English Dictionary
    • George Stephanopolous Roundtable Gift Shop
  • my conservative butt doesn't look good in wranglers
  • heir to intellectual giants
  • Herb Tarlick(sp)
    • dugarees v. suits
  • illegal aliens are eating our housecats
  • America's problems are being caused by a tiki torch I found while on vacation in Hawaii

SEGMENT2Edit

  • last week Obama's DoJ released 4 more torture memos
    • collect the whole set and you get a free coffee mug
  • outline in great detail what interrogators could and could not do
    • product placement (Ensure Plus)
      • one sip and you'll say ... pretty much anything
  • technically not turture
  • will those people who perpetrated those acts be punished
    • Obama doesn't want to be prejudged
  • we need to punish those responsible for those acts
    • we can lourde our moral superiority over other countries
      • In your face Zimbabwe!
  • who really is responsible
  • KSM, guilty
    • 9/11
    • wearing plunging neckline without waxing
  • Dr. Colbert's souffle is done
    • would cool off on the ches of someone
  • "following orders"
    • is not an acceptable defense
  • Federal Circuit Court Judge Ming The Merciless
  • if you're not in the delivery room, you're not the father
  • if we're not punishing people for approving the torture
    • we may all be guilty for re-electing Bush
  • whoever we punish for these
    • can't be the ones who did the torture
    • can't be the ones who authorized the torture
  • the only ones we can punish for the torture is the guy we tortured
    • then we can put all this behind us
  • we learned sometimes we have to do terrible things to get the information we need
    • there are times when we can torture with no repercussions

Who's Riding My Coattails Now?Edit

  • Utah Senator Orrin Hatch sent CDs of songs he wrote himself
  • featuring the songstylings of Steve Amerson, America's Tenor
  • if you act now, you will also get a copy of his other album:
    • "Stunned by The States"
  • call in the next 5 seconds
    • bonus "Flabbergasted by the Flag"
      • mashed-up with Bangles covers
  • these CDs are not available in stores because stores no longer sell CDs

InterviewEdit

  • is the coach of the Duke basketball team who may have lost the NCAA Tourney
    • one of Dr. Colbert's Final Four guests
  • unconscionable that he hoards so many consonants
  • why have a team
    • Stephen is the LeBron James of his show
  • what is the difference between teamwork and socialism
  • coaches may become dictators
  • different personality beast into a team
  • 29 years at Duke
  • greatest he ever coached Jordan
    • no suicides
  • will try the four-man-hand-holding defense
  • pointers for Stephen's softball team to beat Daily Show softball team
    • recruit ringers
  • how young should be a player be in the NBA
    • right out of high school
  • if you can drool, you can dribble
    • out of the womb
  • accused Dr. Colbert of a breeding experiment

EpilogueEdit

  • Dr. Colbert has a reminder for Heroes who recorded tonight's show and burned it on a DVD, here's is his special DVD commentary:
    • stop stealing his show!

GalleryEdit

Official Truthy VideosEdit

External TubesEdit

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Reviews and CommentsEdit

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