Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
April 16, 2009
Production code:
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  • Bride of Frank & Stan
"Gay marriage threatens New York! On the plus side, I'll finally be able to marry myself!"
  • Shah Rukh Candidate
"Then, India holds its elections! I believe they have over 300 positions for voting!"
  • Til Doug Do Us Part
"And my guest Doug Kmiec doesn't believe government shouldn't be in the marriage business! They also shouldn't be in the government business!"

Flag quote open clear2
I hate to pat myself on the back, so I have my assistant do it!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
April 16, 2009 The Colbert Report


  • Dr. Colbert has a pounder (headache)
    • he's sorry, bear with him
      • Still recovering from a hard night from tea bagging
  • with Michael Steele & Joe The Plumber
    • funny taste in his mouth
  • not just his head
  • he googled tea bag
    • found another definition
  • sexual insult doesn't begin to describe it
  • not what he was doing
  • takes courage
    • and cojones


  • other cultures are pretty fucked up
  • in India
  • In Patagonia
  • in some U.S. states two dudes can get married
  • cannot be solved by clearing our your web browser
  • Dr. Colbert loves that ad
    • like watching the 700 Club and the Weather Channel at the same time
  • this storm is coming
  • Massachusetts legalized marriage
  • Iowa voted to strike down gay marriage ban
    • nothing else to do in Iowa
    • shuck corn
    • drag race
    • pound a sixer
    • shuck more corn
    • propose to your football coach
  • David Paterson wants to legalize gay marriage in New York
    • cannot get a marriage announcement in the New York Times
    • sneak it into a police interview
  • stormfront moving into the homefront
    • Dr. Colbert made his own ad
  • Colbert Coalition (National Organization for Colbert)
    • a rainbow of people coming together in a commercial
    • won't make you retroactively gay
  • paid for a church that may or may not be the Mormons
  • when gays get rights, ours get taken away

Democracy In IndiaEdit

  • wants to recommend Slumdog Millionaire
    • trivia
    • police brutaility
  • $64,000 Tasing
  • voting began in India's parliamentary election
    • 400 million people
    • voting lasts a month
  • welcome to break out in dance
  • between flag pins and gay marriage
  • poverty and economy
    • 2/3 of voters are from rural areas
  • in 2004, BJP was voted out
    • and they don't vote against their interests
  • give Shashi The Bump
    • put a chicken in every pot, but not likely a chicken in every tandoor(sp) because he's a vegetarian
    • vegetable corma(sp)


  • thinks government shouldn't be in the marriage business, Stephen agrees; they do terrible floral arrangements
  • 2 things
  1. Can a Catholic Support him?
    short book, answer is no (Kmeic claims "yes we can")
  2. he can solve the gay marriage storm
    state doesn't do everything well (don't get baptised)
  • marriage is making the babies
    • Stephen thought he was a Catholic
  • the Kmiec family cannot compete
  • what will people do if the state pulls out?
    • won't have children that way
  • church decides who gets married, state
  • gays can get a license (straights too) from the state
  • no atheists can get married
    • go to a church or start their own atheist church
  • he's playing a semantic game
    • three people could make a contract
  • if gay marriage is allowed ...
  • Stephen only got married as a taunt
    • wrote his own vows: na-na-na-na-na-na
  • state should not adopt any one religion
    • but, if they had to (Catholic)
      • hypothetically in a world where monkeys eat meat


  • Dr Colbert salutes The Heroes a firm good night everybody!


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