The Colbert Report/Episode/536

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
April 6, 2009
Production code:
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  • Executive Duty Free
"Barack Obama travels around Europe! I wonder if he found himself!?"
  • Win By A Node
"New developments in the NASA Node naming contest! If they don't pick me, I'm going to show them where the sun don't shine!"
  • Big Ego & Rich
"And my guest National Review editor Rich Lowry has a plan to get the Republicans out of the woods! I believe it involves turning right!"

Flag quote open clear2
It's April sixth only more nine more days to hide your assets off-shore!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
April 6, 2009 The Colbert Report


  • Dr. Colbert has noticed that Brian Williams doesn;'t get astanding ovation
    • his audience is qui8et
  • personal responsibility
    • recent well-poisoning
      • bury car batteries or old dead horses?
  • meant anything to New York Times
    • reply on anonymous sources
    • and revealed classified
      • built back-up America in the Pacific Ocean
  • the old gray lady is leakier than an old gray lady
  • gave a chart showing how much people can get for losing certain body parts
  • high society drinking tea
  • Michael Medved is both a


  • Obama's foreign trip ends today
  • like JFK or Hayes?
  • Obama is a socialist
    • if Stephen wanted to share wealth with friends; he'd have friends
  • Obama visited the rest of the world
  • if you can get a Frenchman to trust you
    • you've discovered a new way to smoke
  • didn't get anything he asked for
    • Stephen likes him, until he gets back
  • Williams gives nothing away free
    • his audience isn't drunk either
  • Brokaw covered many overseas trips
  • Brokaw said Obama looked presidential
    • big airplane
  • people around the world are interested in America's transition
  • Obama gave them a "time out"
    • made them sit on their naughty spots
  • look to America for character
  • documentary
    • on USA
    • Today Show
    • Nightly News
  • another book American Character
  • The Character Project
  • Brokaw made the book especially for Stephen

The COLBERT NodeEdit

  • it has been two long weeks since Dr. Colbert won the NASA Node
  • Dr. Colbert threatened to strap a rocket on an intern with a spray can
  • Congresswoman Gabriel Giffords
    • a node is not a room
    • highly technical space term that means room
  • Dr. Colbert is a whiz at using oxygen and water
  • if water recovery is urine recycling, what is a Buzz Aldrin
  • Giffords says NASA should have the final say
    • Stephen won by more votes than she did to win her election
  • NASA could be overriden by an act of Congress to name the node after Stephen


  • editor of the National Review
    • his stimulus plan includes subscriptions to the National Review
  • he's a young conservative
  • Dr. Colbert is 84
    • freshens up every six months
  • wrote a novel
    • secret assassins
  • a left-wing journalist sent to Iran to assassinate
  • mayhem and hilarity ensue
  • he's not familiar with Scooter Libby's bear rape
  • includes dogs and frog action
  • why fiction? facts are not interesting
  • GOP is in a time of re-evaluation
  • think about way to reconnect
    • without changing anything they believe
  • principles stay the same, applications need to change
    • GOP is stuck in the 1980's
  • hook 'em with fiction, get them to read National Review
    • Conservative gateway drug
  • one of the most prestigious magazines


  • Dr. Colbert when life gives you lemons; make lemonade (provided life also gives you water ice and sugar)


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