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The Colbert Report/Episode/535

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Production InfoEdit

FlyingEaglePREV
Previous Episode
Date:
April 2, 2009
Season:
Season5
Episode:
535
Production code:
5044
FlyingEagleNEXT
Next Episode

The Check-InEdit

  • Dr. Colbert is not doing so well today after running over a homeless man on his way into work
    • his life is over
  • APRIL FOOLS!
  • His Jewish Friend thought it was a terrible joke
    • and that April Fools was yesterday
  • Dr. Colbert excused himself to look after something in the parking lot

IntroEdit

Tonight
  • Commie Dearest
"President Obama meets with the President of Russia! The big question was: what was Michelle wearing!?"
  • Word's Worth
"And Merriam-Webster updates their dictionary! I believe they retired the word affluent!"
  • Twit Happens
"Then I sit down with Biz Stone, the co-founder of Twitter! I will nail him in 140 characters or less!"


Flag quote open clear2
ER is off the air after 15 seasons! That's what you get with Obama's socialized medicine!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
April 2, 2009 The Colbert Report



SEGMENT1Edit

  • Dr. Colbert sometimes he likes to do the smaller stories that falls through the cracks
    • honey is the only food that doesn't spoil
    • Dick Cheney ran a secret death squad
    • how did he find the time with all his secret torture
  • so, Cheney had a roving band of executioners
    • like finding out Liberace was gay (you had a hint people)
  • Cheney was performing the duties of the Vice president as outlined by Founding
    • mercury cures syphilis
  • Now being controlled by Joe Biden
    • only previous trying to kill Obama's chances of getting elected
  • the only thing he can plug is his hair
  • gather everyone he wants to assassinate, move to a city reachable by Amtrak


SEGMENT2Edit

  • Obama headed to Strasbourg
  • Stephen supports NATO ...
  • Stephen has a watch that is also a gun
    • a twista-flex
  • Cold War Update!

In London, met with Dmitry Medvedev

  • not new progress, old progress
    • they go bankrupt, we watch new episodes of Cheers
      • Diane may kiss Sam this year
  • Medvedev's finger is on the button to call Putin to tell him what to do
  • Supra-National Currency
    • makes Stephen angra
  • Russia and China
    • US will punish them the way they punish everyone who ruins the economy: bailout
  • embargo against Cuba
    • run over America in a 55 Nash Rambler
  • Obama may lift ban on Cuba
    • Richard Lugar
  • effective in bringing Cuban people to democracy
  • failed for 50 years, because it's a 78 year plan
    • the tree will be tall enough to climb up
      • eventually it will work unless they have plumbers
  • North Korea, insane leader, Rachel Maddow's grandmother
  • launch "communications satellite"
  • we're not even planning on stopping this launch
  • rest easy Hawaii, list of place Washington might consider saving
    • not sure how it works, ask New Orleans
  • cold war is strong in space
    • fee dispute, Russians cannot use American toilet on ISS
  • Space Reagan
    • force the Russians to pay that fee
    • challenge to flush down this log!

SEGMENT3Edit

  • Dr. Colbert turns out his old nemesis is back
    • the dictionary
  • by far the worst book he's ever read
    • as if he didn't see that back on M
  • changed the definition of "marriage"
    • to include gay marriage
  • suspect Miriam and Webster were conjugating more than irregular verbs
  • throws everything into question
    • will change the definition of the word outrage
      • brawny towel man
  • most sinister part
    • made this change back in 2003, until a conservative
  • Dr. Colbert could have been gay married and not know it
    • their first song was YMCA
  • same-sexicographers
    • Gay
    • Bear
    • manwich, not well-known outside the clubs where Stephen does his research
  • they may engayify Truthiness
  • new definition:
    • truth that comes from the gut
      • also: a word so straight it drives men wild

InterviewEdit

  • Biz Stone
    • co-founder of The Twitter
    • Dr. Colbert will ask him every mundane detail of every moment of his life
  • he is impressed with the way Dr. Colbert
  • pre-eminent twit in the United States
    • feels powerful
  • side project
    • podcasting company
  • why 140 characters, including spaces
  • Dr. Colbert began texting during the interview
    • which is not rude' it's the future
  • first tweet
    • What hath God twat!?
  • inviting his co-workers to try it
  • why not just talk?
    • tweet-ups
  • new way of messaging
  • magic happens
  • messaging system we didn't have until
  • what's good enough for hamarabi
  • Nothing is so easy
  • creativity is inspired
  • including spaces rips people off
  • totally free
    • Biz in Biz Stone is not short for business
      • sounds like a character on the Flintstones
  • based in San Francisco, like Pets.com
  • different between profit and value
  • will begin experimenting a revenue model this year
  • why do many congressmen and celebrities twitter?
    • celebrities find deeper connections with fans
      • others like Demi Moore and Ashton Kusher (control message)
  • Twittering caused the plane crash in the Hudson

EpilogueEdit

  • Dr. Colbert came back from the break finishing a tweet
  • Remember, always let your conscience be your guide, until you can afford a GPS, they're far more reliable

GalleryEdit

Official Truthy VideosEdit

External TubesEdit

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Reviews and CommentsEdit

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