The Colbert Report/Episode/529

< The Colbert Report | Episode

12,423pages on
this wiki
Add New Page
Add New Page Talk0

Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
March 17, 2009
Production code:
Next Episode


  • Opu-Less
"How will the wealthy weather the economic crisis!? Easy, we have weather control machines!"
  • Sounds Of Science
"And scientists make a revolutionary new discovery! (crosses fingers) Come on roller-skating microwave!"
  • Grann Finale
"And my guest David Grann has written a book about the secrets of the Amazon rainforest! (strokes chin) Hmm, I wonder how many trees it took to print that!?"

Flag quote open clear2
It's St. Patrick's Day! So, you can kiss my Blarney Stones!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
March 17, 2009 The Colbert Report

Shout OutEdit

  • Green washes Dr. Colbert out
  • known for wearing a little green
    • reminds Stephen of the armed forces
  • Marines may be
    • Stephen is fewer and a complete narcissist
  • Colbert Report Shout Out
    • 153rd Infantry Regiment, Charlie Company
      • They invite Dr. Colbert to "come on over!"
  • he would do whatever he is told by anyone with an automatic weapon
  • taking the Colbert Report overseas!
    • to the Persian Gulf!
  • cannot tell all the details
    • do no reference the name of the country
  • there will be sand and people wish he would leave
    • could be the Bahamas
  • do not reference tour dates
  • To Recap
    • Colbert Report will visit troops in near or distant future (or past)
  • best news: Tickets are still available
    • go to, sign up,

Colbert AluminumEdit

  • it will be a relief
    • country has screwed the pooch
  • the recession is making us aim the death ray
    • for aluminum members only
  • if the amount that you've lost doesn't end in "illionaire"
    • tell the greyhounds bus driver to change the channel
  • New cigars:
    • Nubs, shorter versions of luxury cigars
  • latest fashion of the wel-to-do
    • New Faux Poor
      • canceling parties, firing the staff
  • show solidarity with the commoners: adopt a fake Cockney accent
  • some rich are not faking their losses
    • man is selling island
  • real estate tips
    • word real estate listing
      • tropical instead of malaria
    • gear to natural market
      • advance degree negative surname


  • those of us who don't understand science are under attack
    • why is gravity trying to keep Stephen down?
  • Obama reversed Bush's Stem Cell policies
    • desperate attempt to grow himself a Commerce Secretary
  • astrology
    • helps make staffing decisions
  • florescent cats
    • can live his dream of reading by cat light
  • our meat supply is under attack
    • from PETA
  • visionary scientist working to save the
  • Dr. Vladimir Maronov(sp)
    • he's a commie
    • Science of meat
    • new way to grow meat
      • grow meat in a petri dish, which may be a cat or meat
  • when is not the right question
    • when if you have all necessary money
  • PETA supports tissue culture meat
    • offered $1-million behind it
  • Shmeat
    • combination of shit and meat
    • inescapable future of humanity
    • tastes like Shmicken


  • fascinating story
  • he went to the amazon
    • followed the adventures of Percy Fawcett, a great Victorian explorer, Amazon 1906 (before Hollywood)
      • size of the United States
  • Stephen has no idea what's in Ohio
  • took 20 men with him half his party would die
    • did this for 20 years
  • when he began he was only mapping the area
    • didn't know Peru, Brazil or
  • his oldest son and his son's best friend
    • sent out dispatches via Indian runners (Early 20th Century twittering)
  • he didn't find it
  • after 5 months, he vanished
  • next 80 years people would search for him
    • they also died, malaria starvation, also got lost
  • has eye problems, fear of snakes
    • could have found it but didn't see it
  • Brad Pitt will star in it
    • will not play Grann, but Fawcett
  • to give Colbert a monkey necklace/crown
    • from the Kalapalos Indians


  • nearly midnight, time to update the Persian Gulf Clock
    • we are either one day closer--or further--there's no way to know


Official Truthy VideosEdit

External TubesEdit

  • [URL Link Title]
  • [URL Link Title]

Reviews and CommentsEdit


Also on Fandom

Random Wiki