Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
March 16, 2009
Production code:
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  • Sporting A Huge Bonus
"Your tax money is being spent on executive bonuses! At least it's not going to welfare!"
  • Depression Error
"Historians revisit the FDR presidency! Turns out the "D" stands for "Hussein"!"
  • The Graveyard Booking
"And, my guest Neil Gaiman wrote a children's book about a boy who being raised by ghosts! I believe it's the tragic sequel to Hop On Pop!"

Flag quote open clear2
Hey, did you read today's London Financial Times!? Then, why are you watching this show!?
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
March 16, 2009 The Colbert Report


  • Dr. Colbert calms His Mob down to save their energy for things he
  • he's enraged
    • AIG is giving execs $165-million in bonuses
      • in ways we can't see, in for things we don't understand
  • abrogate
    • using a word when no one can afford a dictionary
  • we need to be a torch and pitchfork wielding mob!
  • Dr. Colbert wonders who could lead this mob, and his mob starts a chant of "Colbert, Colbert!"
  • There is a contract
    • if he succeeds, he gets $165 million
  • pitchfork holder beneath the C-Desk


  • judge finally threw Bernie Madoff in jail
  • many pundits saw FDR's treachery
  • massive government spending
  • New Deal prolonged the depression
  • Chait is implying conservatives are rewriting history
    • which is a good idea because we should rewrite the history of slavery
  • during the Great Depression, New Deal ameliorated people's misery
    • everyone's except the rich
  • he was unable to name one thing the New Deal did
  • none of the jobs FDR created were permanent
    • no one is still working them
  • he suggested that America build ships and throw them into the ocean
    • Stephen believes this is a bad idea


  • another pitchfork wielding patriot is Governor Mark Sanford (of South Carolina)
  • savior-based economy
    • we would only need one loaf
  • Sanford wants to use the stimulus money
  • Dr. Colbert is outraged, and demands South Carolina secede (again)
  • encore presentation of Better Know A Governor
    • with Mark Sanford


  • author of The Graveyard Book, which is fitting because Stephen will bury him!
  • pre-chewed bone to pick regarding the book
  • opening line of his children's book
    • "There was a hand in the darkness and it held a knife"
  • he claims all children's fiction contains an element of danger
    • he used Peter Cottontail as an example
  • the moral of the book is dead people are nice
    • life is worth living, it has meaning
  • there is a danger children will no longer be afraid of graveyards
  • how dead people raise children
    • they have no teats
      • he cheated: a vampire lives in the graveyard, who goes out at night
  • he's making it all up (regarding the dead people)
  • there are people on the other side of Dr. Colbert's perception
  • Gaiman loved HP Lovecraft & JRR Tolkein
  • he has an accent
    • doesn't sound America
      • he is originally from England
  • his book won a Newberry Award
    • taking it from an American writer
  • re-let the cat out of the bag about Stephen's book
  • Gaiman recommended Art Speigleman as an American illustrator


  • Dr. Colbert wishes he could hug everyone of his heroes


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