The Colbert Report/Episode/527

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
March 12, 2009
Production code:
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  • Amazing Face
"Guess where my face is showing up now!? Besides your grilled cheese sandwiches!?"
  • The Poor You Know
"Then, the global economic meltdown! Hope you liked "Slumdog Millionaire!" Because you're going to live it--minus the millionaire!"
  • Razz Singer
"And, my guest Peter Singer thinks the rich should sacrifice the poor! (looks off camera) Oh, sacrifice for the poor!? That's ridiculous!"

Flag quote open clear2
Bernie Madoff, here's some advice: on the first day of jail, find the biggest guy in the yard and defraud him!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
March 12, 2009 The Colbert Report


  • Dr. Colbert doesn't blame His Mob, he has the same reaction when he looks in a full-length mirror
  • 2(x)ist briefs, his torso is a full-on attention whore
  • Schwarzenegger endorsed
  • Dr. Colbert endorsed a dehydrated energy drink (just add water)
  • foreign company selling clothes in Iran
    • Sean Matlaw
    • selling slackses of evil
  • Mahmoud Ahme-casualfriday-ejihad
    • Stephen is three inches taller
  • celebrating Persian New Year with a 20% off sale
    • Stephen doesn't like the commercialization of Norouz
      • sagacity in thy affairs
  • Stephen will turn the tables
  • non-consensual endorsement
    • Streit's brand matzo
      • Even I can't deny it's delicious
      • guaranteed to declare a fatwah on your hunger


America is doing better than:

  • Russia
    • ruble has lost 1/3 it's value
    • Open nesting dolls find Russians living inside
  • Putin met day of dissent with "day of releasing wolves into crowds"
  • Ethiopia
    • Starbucks will delay opening of
  • Zimbabwe
    • saddled with corruption, inflation, cholera epidemic
    • celebrated Mugabe's birthday
  • America is not an emerging marking
    • America is a submerging market
  • if America is a Third World country, Dr. Colbert will have to wear a gourd on his penis (again)
    • or liking soccer
  • won't feel bad about keeping UNICEF money he's collected
  • former chief economist for the IMF, Simon Johnson
  • America's economy was run by oligarchs
  • in times of crisis some oligarchs get more powerful
  • Dr. Colbert is offended that he compared America's economy to an emerging market

Crazy ShitEdit


Dr. Colbert does not approve

  • there is very little that can shock Dr. Colbert
    • he's seen it all

The Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard

  • National Geographic released a photo of a "barrel-eyed" fish
    • Dr. Colbert is all for sushi, but see-through-shi?


  • Peter Singer
    • it's an injustice that some feast while others starve; Dr. Colbert has never seen any starving people at his feasts
  • the poor don't want other poor
  • Singer is promoting
  • What is a Namibian shepherd going to do with Stephen's Audi A8L?
    • seats 6 sheep
  • talking about redistribution of wealth
  • generational wealth can't work if you're giving it away
  • Stephen always carries a very long, very expensive
    • can't ruin his shoes--they're alligator--which you'd think would be better in water
  • Stephen's shoes are in a lake
    • would Peter Singer get a baby wet tosave Stephen's shoes?
  • they fight over what Jesus said
    • Stepehen remembers him saying "I've got mine"
    • Singer remembers something about sewing
  • what's the least someone could do to seem like a good person?
    • 10%
  • who decides where Stephen's money goes?
    • will Singer get a portion of it?
  • Singer is the Bernie Madoff of poor people
    • claims Stephen is looking for excuses for not donating
  • Stephen reminds Singer that his $22 book could feed a few people


  • Dr. Colbert closes the GQ issue that had him on the cover and wished the Heroes good night


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