The Colbert Report/Episode/524

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
March 9, 2009
Production code:
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Dr. Colbert appears in casual dress reading a soap opera digest-type of magazine, finally wondering when Daylight Savings Time begins.


Flag quote open clear2
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
March 9, 2009 The Colbert Report

Newest HeroEdit

  • Abraham Carter Gross
    • son of Peter Gross
  • fine print on Peter's contract states the baby belongs to Dr. Colbert
    • article H subheading 2
    • follows Article H, subheading 2, which says "skip the next section"
  • settled by landmark case Snooze v. Lose
  • ordered Abraham to show up for work wearing his work diaper

The WordEdit

  • privacy is under attack from the press
  • newspaper published online database of all gun owners in Tennessee town
  • Tonight's Word: Locked & Loathed
  • do not put public records in the internets tubes
  • bureaucrats measure work days in geologic time
  • Wayne "Puckerbutt" LaPierre
  • NRA posted info about newspaper employees and threatened them
  • gun owners are shy (why they wear camouflage)
  • Dr. Colbert has a healthy relationship with Sweetness
    • they go every where together
  • Dr. Colbert tells his grandmother that Sweetness and he are roommates
    • Sweetness is not Catholic
  • Concealed Permit Permit
    • to conceal their permits
  • have a gun that may or may not exist
  • like Dr. Colbert's Phantom
    • could be semi-automatic
    • or a cramp in his finger


  • adjusted bolo tie with a teeny-tiny cow's head
  • Sliders are made from teeny-tiny cows
  • Wyoming's at-large
    • home to Yellowstone and Old Faithful
      • for eruptions lasting longer than 4 hours, see your geologist
  • first to elect female governor
  • she says it's beautiful
  • more antelope than people
  • home of Dick Cheney
    • tourists come to see his childhood lair
    • people do not try to feed him
  • wants to have wolves de-listed
    • cougar population is very healthy
  • Cheetah is the fastest animal in the world
  • voted against Elder Abuse Victims Act
    • she is pro-beat up old people
    • opposed to wasting money and would like to beat up old people in a fiscally responsibly manner
  • homeschool advocate
    • can't have government telling people what they can teach in their own homes
      • Dr. Colbert teaches his children that he invented the light bulb
  • Wyoming is the volunteer state, show-me state, granite state
    • but not the equality state
  • she was a meat judge
    • cannot tell the difference between hog's feet and a hog's foot


  • Lisa Hannigan
    • began singing career at the age of 6; Stephen began screaming career when he was born
  • first saw her by accident on The YouTube
    • like seeing the Dramatic Chipmunk
  • her album is called Sea Sew
    • she sews her own instruments
  • performed: I Don't Know


  • Dr. Colbert has a special message for his new intellectual property:
    • sleep tight Abraham; you've got a big day tomorrow!


Official Truthy VideosEdit

External TubesEdit

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