The Colbert Report/Episode/518

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
February 25, 2009
Production code:
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  • Yakety Barack
"Obama's address to Congress, or at least what I could hear through bla-la-la-la-la-la-la!"
  • Doomtown
"And, my guest Mayor John Fetterman is offering up his bankrupt town for experiments! Sounds like a good place to move Gitmo!"

Flag quote open clear2
It's Ash Wednesday! For Lent, I'm giving up listening!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
February 25, 2009 The Colbert Report


  • only rivaled by a giant Brad Pitt made of puppies
  • Stephen thought he was going to throw beads
  • new rock star
    • Iggy Pop fat on free heroin day
  • Volcano Monitoring
    • ruins the surprise
    • control volcano-- sacrifice a virgin (why they support Abstinence only sex-ed)
  • Maglev between Disneyland and Vegas
  • Democratic presponse
    • mutes all of Obama's speeches, so he can hear his own yelling
  • Empty Platitude Hall of Fame
    • FDR's wheelchair
    • Taft's bathing suit
    • retired W's number
  • speech was a stinker
  • Twitter
  • post short text messages that everyone can see
  • Members of Congress tweeted during Obama's speech
    • Michael C. Burgess
    • Jared Polis
    • Robert Byrd

Eric Holder's speechEdit

    • to justice department employees
  • he called Stephen Colbert a coward
    • strong words
  • takes courage not to talk about race
  • not talking about race takes concentration to see a stereographic image
  • Reverend Wright talks about race
  • The KKK also talk about race all the time
    • it hasn't helped
  • Dr. Colbert will talk about race while passing his hand over an open flame
    • There were no black people at my Super Bowl party!
  • talk frankly about rap music while eating dollar store peanut butter
    • can't stand all the shouting
    • confusing: is a shorty a baby or the woman who had the baby?
  • Eric Holder is really talking about having a one-on-one conversation about race
  • Duke says it's fine to be black
  • Duke doesn't read the post
  • Duke didn't lack opportunities while growing up
    • got a sweet spider job
  • Stephen apologized for slavery so Duke would take the tarantula off his head
    • didn't lay eggs in Stephen's hair
  • Stephen owes Holder an apology
    • he's welcome to come on The Report to talk about race as long as Stephen can cover him with spiders

Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger Edit

  • Wag- gorillas
    • early humans got lice from gorillas
  • Wag- Gandhi
    • huge hypocrite
    • auctioning his pocket watches, glasses and $20,000 - $30,000 sandals


  • Braddock has no tarantulas
  • it is bankrupt
  • population 20,000 to 3,000
  • he looks like he received a dose of gamma radiation
  • loss as bad as New Orleans after Katrina, but over decades
    • steel left the area
  • average house price is $6,200
  • wants the stimulus
  • wants to open a Colbert Museum
  • lots of French and Indian reenactors
  • will give Stephen a key to the city
    • they leave it open nowadays
  • trying to bring a Subway sandwich shop to town
    • for jobs
    • a place to eat
  • social justice and equity
  • Dr. Colbert looked into the camera and demanded GOP governors who don't want the money to give it to Mayor Fetterman


  • Dr. Colbert reminds The Heroes that if you are still watching analogue TV; you can't see this.
    • He then recommends us to take action!


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