The Colbert Report/Episode/510

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
February 4, 2009
Production code:
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  • Bishop Tut-Tut
"Pope Benedict reinstates a Holocaust-denying bishop! frankly, I'm skeptical of the evidence that he reinstated him!"
  • Award-Whiner
"Then, I award myself an award for not winning awards! The coveted Losey!"
  • Steve, adored
"And, Steve Martin is here! So what if he's hosted SNL fifteen times! I've hosted my show five-hundred and nine times!"

Flag quote open clear2
Here's a brain teaser for ya: your brain is ugly!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
February 4, 2009 The Colbert Report


  • Last night Obama called his Daschle nom a "mistake"
    • Obama Administration is over
  • Some punk walked in Dr. Colbert's eye-line
    • and he wants whoever it is gone
    • it was some guy named Steve (which is a stupid name)
      • he claims to have been on a fucking set (he names some minor works)
  • Dr. Colbert reminds him that walking in front of his camera while he was talking was fucking unprofessional

About The Super Bowl

  • During the Super Bowl The Boss rammed his "mini boss" into the camera
    • That Steve guy walks in front of the camera again
      • Dr. Colbert was forced to yell at him and demand that he leave
  • personally Dr. Colbert is a fan

Back To The Super Bowl

  • 7-layer dip going in
    • at least 9 going out
  • Dr. Colbert had a lot of money
  • Gatorade dump is a baptism with electrolytes

Yahweh Or No WayEdit

  • who was God rooting for in the Super Bowl?
    • Warner is a devout Christian
      • when he's in the pocket, there is a second set of footprints
  • God did not decide the Super Bowl (he was for the Orioles, just like Stephen)
  • Who made the Steelers win?
    • not saying Obama is more powerful than God
  • Fred M (?)
    • built replica of White House
    • Jesus' plan
  • Did Jesus build it?
    • No Way
  • The house has not sold $9.8 million
  • Pope Benedict lifted ex-com Bishop Williamson (Holocaust denier)
    • Pope disagrees with the Bishop
  • Did God tell the Pope to reinstate the Bishop?
    • No Way
    • ex-communication like marbles, no backsies
    • the story makes Dr. Colbert nauseous, he might be barfing matzo balls


  • Dr. Colbert doesn't do the show for money or fame or for critics
    • he does it for the little people
  • Association of Library Services To Children
    • Neil Gaiman's "Graveyard"
    • Dr. Colbert's children's book was "Fuck it (...?)"
  • Boucse(sp) d'Or
    • America's top finisher was 6th place
    • 8-Meat chili (used to be 7-meat chili, but he got 2 of them to mate)
  • Norwegian
    • step one: kill reindeer
    • Step two: add snow
  • Sweden won second place
  • Dr. Colbert is nominated for Grammy
    • Best Spoken
  • Other nominees:
    • Sidney Poitier, won't have a poit to piss in
    • David Sedaris
    • Steve Martin, no-talent fraud?
    • Al Gore, last nominee for Inconvenient Truth
      • If he wins he can appeal all the way to the Supreme Court
  • Dr. Colbert's pet political cause: END ATM SURCHARGES!


  • Steve Martin
  • comedian, actor, novelist, musician, magician, playwright, screenwriter, juggler
    • best known for his appearances in Dr. Colbert's opening segment
    • new movie: Pink Panther 2
  • plays a detective
    • comedy
  • he's serious and intellectual
  • he feels like an intellectual when he's with Dr. Colbert
  • lots of low comedy
  • Martin is a competitor of Dr. Colbert's
    • Dr. Colbert will send Kareem Abdul Jabbar
    • Martin was going to send Dr. Colbert, Jabbar will go for both
  • Daniel Steele's A Perfect Stranger
    • for a read-off
  • they didn't know what they were reading, but The Mob loved it
  • Dr. Colbert challenged him to dueling banjo-guitar
    • Dr. Colbert will play his guitar and Steve Martin will play his banjo
  • they ran out of time


  • Dr. Colbert if you like what you saw, tell your friends. If you didn't, tell your enemies!


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