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The Colbert Report/Episode/507

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Production InfoEdit

FlyingEaglePREV
Previous Episode
Date:
January 29, 2009
Season:
Season5
Episode:
507
Production code:
5016
FlyingEagleNEXT
Next Episode

The Check-InEdit

  • Dr. Colbert grades Obama's first week in office, using a scale of thumbs:
    • 2 thumbs up out of 4 thumbs
    • scale also has a margin of error +/- two thumbs
  • Dr. Colbert gives His Jewish Friend's show five thumbs
    • Stephen isn't going to tell him out of how many thumbs

IntroEdit

Tonight
  • No We Republi-Can
"All 177 House Republicans say no to Obama's stimulus package! (whispering) Shh! Don't tell them they don't control the House anymore!"
  • Supe's On
"Plus, much like this Sunday's Super Bowl, I will have commercials!"
  • Podesta Bowl
"Then, my guest is John Podesta, head of Barack Obama's transition team! Well, there's one job created by the Bush Administration!"


Flag quote open clear2
Scotch tape, either change your name or get me drunk! I nearly choked last night!!
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
January 29, 2009 The Colbert Report



SEGMENT1Edit

  • Illinois Governor Blagojevich has been removed from office
  • Dr. Colbert doesn't understand why
    • going from talk show to talk show makes one more innocent
  • When will it end!?
    • today
  • if Blagojevich plays his cards right, in 2,000 years people will be seeing him in their grilled cheese sandwiches

The WordEdit

  • John Maynard Keynes said that during down times, governments should:
  • "...pay people to dig holes in the ground and then fill them up."[1]
  • Dr. Colbert exposed the folly of such an idea of filling up the holes (cutting and running from the digging) because the people should continue to dig, until they hit China, where all the money is
  • government shouldn't interfere with the free market
  • this one's mine, get back or I will cut you
  • we don't need a package filled with handouts, we need one filled with balls
  • the magnificent 177 House GOP put their nuts on the life
    • offered their own stimulus package
  • they scent the halls of Congress with the rich musk of their balls
  • not an easy vote, GOP kicked ass
    • rocking to the "Eye of the Tiger"
  • Dr. Colbert calling on all GOP who voted against the revitalization to:
    • refuse to accept a single penny for your district (like a hunger strike)
    • if we can't have a perfect bill to stimulate the economy, you'd rather have no economy at all

SEGMENT3Edit

  • Sport Report
    • slather Stephen in paint and shoot him in the face with a t-shirt cannon
  • keep up with pop music
  • Steelers are not playing baseball Cardinals
  • last championship
  • Super Bowl is facing hard times
  • NBC still has 4 thirty second spots left to sell, usually they sell out by Thanksgiving
  • Pepsi is the official soft drink of Hope
    • ironic, because Obama is a coke man
  • nation-wide buffalo wing shortage
  • Countdown:
    • could mean no hot wings for Super Bowl
      • cannot be replaced with Jalapeno poppers
  • Director of Communications for the National Chicken Council
    • Richard Lobb
  • why is there is a shortage?
    • chickens only have two wings
    • won't grow chickens just for wings
  • McNuggets
  • U.S. largest supplier of chickens
    • Saudi Arabia of chicken suppliers
    • OPEC-Peck
  • may have to release wings from the Strategic Chicken Wing Reserve
    • emergency chicken wing reserve
  • called all chicken suppliers to meet all their orders so people can enjoy them in this critical football weekend
  • if not chicken wings, nachos are a suitable replacement

InterviewEdit

  • was behind Dr. Colbert's doctorate
  • behind Obama's transition
    • greatest of all time
  • hardest thing about transitioning
    • change locks so they don't come back and steal office supplies
  • he didn't pick himself to be in the administration
  • Heaven became the transition team's pinata
  • expectations were lowered by the economy
  • claims progressives did a lot for America
  • what do progressives do (code for liberal)
  • Obama wants to bring Chicago toughness to Washington
  • Podesta didn't vote for Blagojevich

EpilogueEdit

  • Dr. Colbert wished a good night to Illinois' new governor Patrick Quinn

GalleryEdit

Official Truthy VideosEdit

External TubesEdit

  • [URL Link Title]
  • [URL Link Title]

Reviews and CommentsEdit

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