The Colbert Report/Episode/502

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Production InfoEdit

Previous Episode
January 21, 2009
Production code:
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The Check-InEdit


  • O Say Can O See
"It's Obama's first day and the economy's still in the toilet! Some change!"
  • Trademarked For Death
"And, I talk about copyright infringement! Incidentally, I trademarked the phrase Copyright Infringement™"
  • Who's On Verse?
"And, my guest Elizabeth Alexander was the poet at yesterday's inauguration! I'm gonna give her an Ezra Pounding!"

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I, Stephen Colbert ... promise ... faithfully to ... I mean faithfully prom-aw fuck it!
Colbert Report!
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~ Stephen Colbert
January 19, 2009 The Colbert Report


  • adulation feels like a nice warm hug
    • which Stephen loves
  • someone was just goosed by an icepick
  • he apologizes for his outburst
    • nothing worse than getting swept up for nothing
  • first thing Obama did was cause Roberts
    • he is the Justice Chief of the Court Supreme!
  • the oath problem was no harmless slip of the tongue
  • will have a huge impact on who FOX thinks is president
  • conservatives are stickler to the letter of the Constitution
  • whoever was on camera at noon
  • shame to lose our first African-American president
    • but we get our first Asian-American president
  • first vice president who is a cello

Election 2012Edit

  • technology has progressed
  • 2012 Presidential Election Coverage
    • Election 2012: Change's Revenge
  • Bobby Jindal
  • Mitt Romney is both Anglo and Saxon
  • Mike Huckabee's new book: Do The Right Thing
  • Sarah Palin has fallen behind her rivals
  • Iowa caucuses is 1076 days away
    • the race is all tied up it's too close to call!
  • Chuck Todd
    • calls the 2012 Republican Presidential for Romney, not Bobby Jindal, who is black (for GOP)
  • if you're not already in the running, you can't win
  • Obama started running in 2004
  • have campaigns stacked up like planes at LaGuardia
  • how can GOP get their states back
    • get more than white people to vote for them
  • then Chuck said something racist
  • this is Chuck's last day on NBC news


  • 2 weeks ago Dr. Colbert interviewed Lawrence Lessig about remixing and copyrights
  • Dr. Colbert made his own
  • he repeats his warning not to take his words and mix it to a dance beat and play it in a dance club
    • especially Chapter 7, which contains passages about homosexuals
  • his lawyers sue by the s-s-s-syllable


  • Elizabeth Alexander
    • inaugural poet "Praise Song For The Day"
    • read her poem at the inaugural, Stephen will ask how many of her poems can be read by cats
  • poems are not true; they're made up
    • Stephen feels betrayed and upset by J. Alfred Prufrock
  • poems should be emotionally true
    • they should feel true
  • mermaids are still singing to Dr. Colbert
  • what's the difference between metaphors and a lie
  • why not say what you mean, instead of dressing things up with flowery language
    • Stephen has a mountain in his pants, not a metaphor
  • they will analyze her poem line-by-line
  • a "Praise Song" is an ode
    • name something we rejoice in
  • occasional poem: poem written for an occasion
    • resonate for the event
  • like the theme to "Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome"
    • we don't need another hero ...
  • marked by commonality of experience, not soaring rhetoric that gilds Obama
  • economy about language
  • Stephen's poem suggestion:
    • Hickory dickory dock, we elected a guy named Barack


  • that's it for the show everybody; good night


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