Fandom

Wikiality

The Colbert Report/Episode/498

< The Colbert Report | Episode

12,424pages on
this wiki
Add New Page
Talk0 Share

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.

Production InfoEdit

FlyingEaglePREV
Previous Episode
Date:
January 14, 2009
Season:
Season5
Episode:
498
Production code:
5007
FlyingEagleNEXT
Next Episode

IntroEdit

Tonight
  • Change You Can Cash In On
"Is Barack Obama being over-marketed!? For just $25 you can get a commemorative tote-bag containing the answer!"
  • Space Case
"Then, astronomers make an important discovery about the stars: they're just like us!"
  • Public Service Announcement
"And my guest Alan Khazei says Americans should volunteer public service! I'll volunteer to publicly serve him his own ass!"


Flag quote open clear2
Hey, I don't pay my taxes! Why can't I be Treasury Secretary!?
This is
The Colbert Report!
Flag quote close clear2
~ Stephen Colbert
January 14, 2009 The Colbert Report



Things That Change the Climate in Dr. ColbertEdit

  • Shout Out to his college acting teacher
  • It's cold in the city
    • while waiting in line, some members of the mob had their genitals fell off like graham crackers
  • partly angry with a chance of rage
  • something got Dr. Colbert's Irish up, but that usually happens in the morning
  • Iranians were burning pictures of Obama
  • Mahmoud Ahme-Dontyouwishyourgirlfriendwashotlikeme-nejad
  • schoolchild essay winner "Death To America: What it means to me"

Dr. Colbert Is Not An Apologist For ObamaEdit

  • is he really qualified
  • is he really American
  • where was he the night Vince Foster died?

But, the market has spoken

  • Obama can sell crap
    • worthless crap
  • Obama coins are not approved, endorsed sponsored or authorized by the U.S. government, meaning they're worth more than real money
  • Obama may never be a great president, he is however a great marketing tool
  • pundit, entrepreneur and Black Republican, P.K. Winsome
    • also president of PK Winsom's Finishing Camp for Talented Young Ladies
  • he's proud
    • the Chinese character for "proud" is the same as the one for "opportunity"
  • breaking down barriers takes energy
    • offers commemorative Obama "Yes We Can of Energy Drink"
    • 100% real pomegranate artificial flavoring
  • Dr. Colbert says one sip makes him feel like he's in a flavor lab in the Mediterranean (and alive)!
  • you crash quickly and can't give blood for a month
  • it is the dream MLK dreamed of
    • enjoy PK's butter substitute: Obamargarine
  • Dr. King would be proud
  • commemorative egg timer is free at last (if you order now)
    • it has family heirloom written all over it (on the back)
  • "Dreams from My Father"
    • Chapter One: "Well-Endowed Naked Lady Riding A Lion"
    • although PK's father is gone, his dream lives on; $19.95
  • people say Dr. Colbert is white, because he watches Antiques Roadshow
  • white people can take advantage of these opportunities without seeming racist
  • Obama is the greatest African-American marketing opportunity since the Thurgood Marshall Grill
    • not just Thurgood, they're Thur-great
  • Dr. Colbert's humble tribute to Obama
  • The Colbert Mint presents: this Historical Collectables of History Collection
    • Zenith of Change
      • depicting the inauguration of Barack Obama as viewed on a Zenith television by Stephen Colbert
      • richly detailed
      • machine-colored plate
      • inscribed with touching message: "NOT FOR USE IN MICROWAVE"
  • available for a limited time only
    • once people stop placing orders, they will be ground into pumice stones and sold to a Korean nail salon
  • A Plate You Can Believe In
  • finest quality ceramic
    • a Barack Obama commemorative plate being admired by Stephen Colbert hand-painted onto an old John F. Kennedy collectable plate that was originally worth over $100 (before it was painted over)
  • heirloom quality dish
  • Guaranteed to change in value
  • You'll never forget where you were when your credit card was charged in full

Size MattersEdit

  • we are on the verge on so many devastating crisis
    • we may run out
  • some see the glass as half full, others see it as half empty
    • either way it's urine and you'd drink it if you were in the desert
  • little Victories
    • lying back in a field looking at the stars
    • take stock
    • realize how significant Stephen is
  • compensate by saying how big our dipper is
  • our galaxy has 50 more mass than previously thought
  • Andromeda is so tiny, Stephen has observed nebulas with greater H2 regions
  • the Milky Way has a black hole at the center; Andromeda is just a plain asshole
  • Andromeda's apparent magnitude is 4.4, but its losertude is a perfect 10
  • insults will burn in 2.5 million years
    • Dr. Colbert awaits the response from Andromeda

InterviewEdit

  • Alan Khazei founder and CEO of Be the Change, Inc.
  • all Americans should do their part to make this country better, Dr. Colbert can't do it all himself
  • Stephen is reasonable
    • Be The Change, calling for MLK Day a day of national service
  • why should anyone do something for someone else without getting paid for it
  • what's the upside?
  • Dr. Colbert pays taxes
    • and he gives and gives every night
  • we are facing tremendous problems, if everyone works for free, the economy will damaged
  • many organization agree
  • 17-24 year olds to give a year full time
    • calling them to a volunteer nice draft
  • there's no cash in it
  • MLK also said "Follow the money"
    • and "I've got my mind on my money and my money on my mind"
  • MLK was fighting against people for working for no pay
  • America was built on national service, which is not true
    • people who had a tea fetish
    • America was built on an Indian Burial Ground
  • citizens have lead for change in this country
  • What young people get out of it:
    • discover full potential
    • help young, seniors
    • help Katrina victims
    • earn college scholarship
  • he supports Our President
  • Dr. Colbert signed a Declaration of Service (Eugene Krubnik)
  • www.servicenation.org

EpilogueEdit

  • Dr. Colbert asks everyone to remember that his commemorative plates are still available
    • if you order in the next 30 minutes, you get not one, but two sets billed to your credit card

GalleryEdit

Motherload VideosEdit

External TubesEdit

  • [URL Link Title]
  • [URL Link Title]

Reviews and CommentsEdit

EmmyAwardWinningTCR2

Also on Fandom

Random Wiki