The Baby Xenu
is a Religious Baby (and it's nap time!)

[This comment, along with its images, is no longer available due to a copyright claim by the Religious Technology Center, Los Angeles, California, USA on behalf of the The Church of $cientology, International™©®. Please use a computer located in Germany to view this comment.]

The Baby Xenu
makes the Baby Jesus cry,
and should be treated with caution contempt!

The Baby Xenu says: "I'm in ur wallet, takin all y'er common sense"

The Baby Xenu is the $cientologist analog to the Baby Satan, AKA the Anti-Baby Jesus. Instead of living at the center of earth like the Baby Satan, however, the Baby Xenu hails from a Corporate Sin Galaxy.


The Baby Tom Cruise (center) was the best friend of the Baby Xenu until they had a falling out

Upon his arrival on earth, the Baby Xenu initially befriended the baby Tom Cruise. The two spent many hours "playing doctor" together until Cruise touched the Baby Xenu in an inappropriate way.

The Baby Xenu vowed his revenge against Cruise and Cruise's Hollywood friends by poisoning their bodies with moon rocks, stem cells, and something called thetans.

Cruise, now grown-up (if being only 4 feet tall counts as "grown-up"), has pledged to fight his former friend, Xenu. Cruise and his young, all-male, Hollywood friends, have been using the propaganda machine of the belly-of the beast to recruit more young males to join the ranks of $cientology and battle Xenu.


  • The Baby Xenu can bench press 400 lbs.
  • The Baby Xenu sometimes hides under John Travolta's toupee.
  • Appeared on the pilot for the TV show "Welcome Back Kotter" as Arnold Horshack but due to a gross misunderstanding between John Travolta and creator Alan Sacks, was quickly replaced by Ron Palillo for the series run.
  • Was birthed by Tom Cruise and Nancy Pelosi

See AlsoEdit

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.