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Terri Schiavo

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Terri bravely sips an iced frappuccino through her feeding straw

The unfortunate recipient of a tragic accident and a cold and impatient husband, Terri Schiavo has become the embodiment of defenseless, God-fearing women, and the most famous vegetative state victim since John Kerry.

She was the Republican party's modern day Lazurus, and an innocent victim of an inquisition by the liberal media, who sought innocent blood for a thirsty Hillary Clinton to drink. Despite the best efforts of Dr. Bill Frist, Terri's doctor in the Senate who made a diagnosis via tape that Terri wasn't in vegetative state, she was executed in Florida like a common criminal.

Terri will be remembered always.


Anyway, what were we talking about? I can't remember. Hey, who wants pancakes?!

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