Teh Ghey

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Stephen scrubs swc
After a thorough examination, Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.
has diagnosed you as suffering from a case of
Teh Ghey

Teh ghey is a highly contagious disease characterized by sudden desire to dance and/or decorate one's home.

Not that there;s anything wrong with that, but if you wish to go to Heaven, you're going to have to get cured of this affliction and fast.


First OnsetEdit

one can first tell if you have contracted teh ghey if you notice yourself looking longingly at antiques and considering the purchase of diet pop rather than regular. for females the desire to start lifting weights and to leave your kitchen and partake in activities other than baking and cleaning should be the first sign.

Don't worry at this point you are still safe for de-gayification after which you should be back to your normal heterosexual self. if at any point you notice a desire to drink fruity drinks or get body piercings in places like the belly button or someplace equally gay call a doctor immediately and head home to a safe place away from loud noises.

Population Most VulnerableEdit

YOU - be afraid, very afraid ... and tighten that wrist there soldier!!

If you read this page, you have teh ghey!!!!!1ONE111ONE!!


Treatment for "teh ghey" can take many forms, but most have the following treatment schedule:

1) Isolation - You must be removed from all things that might expose you to "teh ghey". Repeated exposure increases the likelihood that "teh ghey" will become permanent. Permanence can vary in severity from a mild predilection for Barbara Streisand to full blown conversion to "teh ghey" lifestyle (e.g. changes in vocalization, rampant unprotected intercourse, intense desire to use incorrectly accented or insert melodies within simple words like "hello" (hel-LOOOOW), wearing anything bright purple or pink (if you are male) or cropping all but the very bottom, center of your hair (if you are female), wearing black leather/rubber/latex as your sole covering, etc.)

2) Education - You must be taught what things might expose you to "teh ghey" and then what strategies can be utilized for avoidance. Avoidance techniques include plugging of ears, covering of eyes, running away (no skipping!!!) prayer, watching UFC/Rocky/Rambo/violent sports, and taking out ones frustration on family members. In severe cases, whips and chains may be utilized but should only be attempted by professionals trained to use them in a strictly non-ghey way.

3) Proselytization - The best way to not catch "teh ghey" is to be sure people about it, especially those who may be afflicted. It reinforces your straightness and performs a valuable public health service. As you will have experienced, people who have contracted "teh ghey" will insist that their sickness is healthy. But you will have learned by this stage (having had a taste of the experience) that the afflicted are ignorant about the true dangers of "teh ghey." You must be firm, stygian.

4) Prevention - You will learn how to warn and protect children about "teh ghey" and employ strategies to help them avoid it. Be always by your childrens' side. It is a statistical fact that the highest infection rate of "teh ghey" occurs when children go to college. You cannot allow this to happen unless the college appeared on the approved list (NOTE: The list cannot be revealed to you until you are completely cured of "teh ghey". These institutions cannot afford to have you potentially start an epidemic of "teh ghey" on campus.)

5) Acceptance - You must accept that once you are infected you will be more susceptible to "teh ghey" in the future. You must remain vigilant, watchful, and stoic. Your children/future children will be counting on you!

Famous People Who've Contracted Teh GheyEdit

Do Not Also SeeEdit

WARNING: By choosing to visit
Teh Ghey
you have contracted Teh Ghey!

Report to the closest authorized de-gayification church near you to begin ungayification immediately.

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