Ted Bundy
is a Beautiful Republican
God Bless America
Baby Jesus
The Baby Jesus and The Baby Satan
are fighting over the very soul of
Ted Bundy

Hell-o, ladies!

Ted Bundy was a patriotic, God-fearing Republican who just went a little too far. Ted was active in state politics, his local church, and the rape and murder of more than 30 women. He was also Ted Nugent's hero.

Homicidal mania, American style!Edit

Born out of wedlock, Ted was raised by a single mother. This of course offended the Baby Jesus, who showed his mother the light; once she saw how destructive single-parent families were to a child's well-being, she decided to give her boy a normal, all-American upbringing by pretending to be his sister.

He later claimed to have been warped as a child by pornography (leading one to wonder how many serial killers watch Cinemax). He went back on the right track by becoming a Republican, but he was eventually led astray by big city liberals; before he knew it, he was drinking cappuccino, smoking marijuana and handing out free rape kits. Is it any wonder, then, that he started killing people for no reason?

Ted took one last stab at the straight and narrow path by moving to Utah, where killing people is redundant. By then, of course, The Man was already on his trail, and eventually arrested him for a series of grisly murders. He was sentenced to death, but never lost his sense of civic duty; while on death row, he held informal chat sessions with local police about a good buddy of his, The Green River Killer, and fun gabfests about burning skulls in his girlfriend's fireplace. The night before his execution, he got right with the Lord by granting an interview with James Dobson. During the interview, he reaffirmed his belief in the Republican values of discipline and personal responsiblity by blaming everything he had done on pornography.

If you take nothing else from this tragic story, remember this: John Wayne Gacy, Jr., a gay Democrat, killed more people than Ted. Palin/Ghost of Ted Bundy 2012!

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