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|The Commonwealth (I repeat, COMMONWEALTH!) of Massachusetts aka New England's Pimp |
|State Flower:||Something gay(Stephen's wife's favorite flower)|
|Official Language:||Pahshle gay, pahshle drunk, all retahded|
|State Bird:||The Limp-Wristed Kennedy|
|State Fish:||The Kopechne|
|State Motto:||Let's All Get Gay-Married, and hurt The Baby Jesus' Feelings!|
New England's Crooked Penis,
Gaysrael, Abortiachusetts, Amaerica's mouth
|Population:||As Many Married Gays That Can Fit, probably less, but I don't want to think about it...|
|Principal imports:||Gays, Lesbionics (mostly from Kansas)|
|Principal exports:||Gay Marriage, Dancing Congressmen, Inferior Late Night Show hosts, Kennedy's|
|Principal industries:||Gay Marriage, hurting The Baby Jesus|
|Fun Fact # 1:||Hates America|
|Fun Fact # 2:||Hates America's Freedoms|
|Fun Fact # 3:||Likes p***ing off Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine.|
|Fun Fact # 4:||The State House in Boston was moved to Trenton on October 12, 2006.|
|Fun Fact #5:||The People of Taxachusetts are not gay, but it seems that way because of the Democrats.|
Massachusetts is one of America's original 13 colonies and was very patriotic until unions allowed liberals to immigrate there and its name was changed to Taxachusetts. People who live there are called massholes.
The first pilgrims landed in Taxachusetts in 1620. They were not fabulous, they were not "workin' it" they were just hard working Americans seeking religious freedom and freedom from taxes. And they worked hard to make their new home as gay-free as it was tax-free.
The Colonial Era Edit
Taxachusans invented the "bitch-in" which was the precursor to talk radio. The "bitch-in" was started when Reverend Harry Goodechilde, the first town crier of Boston, began to include gossip and advertisements in his daily stroll through town. Many citizens complained to the mayor about the good Reverend's antics: he made alot of the stuff up, used people's real names, and his ads were for his own products, "Cedar Toys for Adultes" and "God's Natural Assistance for Manliness". A town meeting was held, and in response, the goode people of Boston hanged 15 people for witchcraft and restricted Reverend Goodechilde's gossip and advertisements to a wagon down by the river.
Reverend Goodechilde was able to use the wagon down by the river as a way to create his own personal news "outlet" that proved to be more popular than the official news agency of the town: the town crier. The man who replaced Reverend Goodechilde as town crier, Captain Johnathon Quierry, tried desperately to be heard over the information eminating from "Reverend Goodechilde's Information Emporium" as it was soon called by all Bostonians except Captain Quierry, who dubbed them, "bitch-ins". The name stuck and bitches from around the colonies and from across the Atlantic came to bitch or be bitched at much to Captain Quierry's chagrin.
Fast-forward to Modern Times Edit
New England has always been a problem for America and Taxachusetts was no exception.
Witches were put on trial in Salem Village in the 1600s and were executed by the state for their Liberalism. This is contary to the state's present policy which allows witches to marry and raise families in defiance of God and his humble servant Dr. Colbert.
One of the most famous witches was that of Hilary Clinton. On the night of August 13, 1632 she was burned at the stake for her witchy ways. Rumor has it that one year later she raised from the grave and cursed all those who condemned her, and one day she would have her revenge. Some say that to this day her cackled laugh can be heard screeching through television sets across this fine nation.
Finally, proof that Taxachusans cannot do anything without a socialst government bureaucracy: they cannot even dig a hole without paperwork and lawyers. And because there are no holes to throw their gay sinners into, they now populate the state. Taxachusetts has since become a haven for evils such as equal rights and scientific advancement. Pansies.
List of Famous Gay StatersEdit
- John Kerry and Ted Kennedy - with these two as Senators, do you think this state really stands a chance?
- Ben Affleck - "actor", certified butt pirate
- Steve Carell - former Daily Show correspondent, sweaty, 40-year-old "actor"-turned-virgin
- Rob Corddry - former Daily Show correspondent, bald stoner
- Nate Corddry - former Daily Show correspondent turned "actor", nepotism benefactor
- Eliza Duskhu - someone who should start a romantic relationship with The Rock so that the world will have "Dush-kock"
- Norman Rockwell - painter of the most acurate representation of true Americans, should start a relationship with a girl whose name starts with a "C"
- Nancy Walls - former Daily Show correspondent-turned Carell wife, generous
- Conan O'Brien - vicious barbarian, Paintball Assasin, horrible dancer
- Mitt Romney - Sore loser and state muppet. Also a fake citizen, as he's a spy from Michigan
- Michael Dukakis - Other sore loser and state hobo.
- Jay Leno - slave owner, flaming homosexual
- George H.W. Bush - It all makes perfect sense now.