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Superpowers

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God Touching Adam
"Superpowers"
is Most Beloved by God over all His creations
Now and Forever, Amen.
StephenHeatvision

Stephen Colbert demonstrates one of his known superpowers, Heat Vision.

Superpowers are what people are born with. A person cannot learn them, or train to achieve them, one must be born with them. Period.

Superpowers come from the gut, never the head. Thinking is the bane of all superpowers.

For a primer on superpowers and how they can help America and the American Family rent the movie The Incredibles. This movie shows that the bad guy is the one who is not born with superpowers, but not only studies hard and invents things, he invents a machine that thinks for itself!

Nothing says evil like a machine that thinks for itself.

The moral of the story? Ability is something you are born with, learning things is evil.

Good and Evil SuperpowersEdit

Most Americans have "good" superpowers. But some people do not have any superpowers. Those without superpowers are not the problem, the ones who are truly evil are the ones who have superpowers, but use them for evil.

Liberals usually have superpowers, and use them for evil. Which is no surprise.

People who Have Superpowers and What Those Superpowers AreEdit

People who Have Superpowers
and What Those Superpowers Are
Person Superpowers
George W. Bush
  • fight people telepathically
  • not do his job
  • Violate Monkeys at a rate on 10 a minute
Uber Hotties
  • Many and myriad.
Jesus
(Read main article: Jesus Powers)
  • rise from the dead
  • turn water to wine
  • walk on water
  • eat raw steak
  • make you stop masturbating[1]
Condoleeza Rice
  • memo-reading skills
The Clenis
  • the ability to destroy everything
Pat Robertson
  • the ability to summon and control hurricanes at will
Pope Benedict XVI
  • has destroyed entire other-dimensional planes of existence (Limbo) with the stroke of a pen
The Jewish People
  • guilt people into doing things for them
  • rule the world
  • eat bagels faster than anyone else on America's Planet
The Mexicans
  • Super Fence Jumping Powers
  • The ablity to turn your children gay
The Baby Jesus
  • the ability to summon three men who will do anything for him
The Baby Satan
  • summons bears to fight the true Americans; Republicans






















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See AlsoEdit

  • For Chuck Norris's Superpowers, click here.
  • For Jack Bauer's Superpowers, click here.

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