| Recognized Seasons|
on America's Planet
When Does Summer Officially Begin?Edit
Summer officially begins when Sir Dr. Stephen Colbert, D.F.A., Esq. says it begins (Reference: June 5, 2006 My First 100 Shows: How I changed the world).
During Which Months Does Summer Occur?Edit
All the months with a "u" in the name except for January and February.
Plus May and sometimes September.
Occasionally October, too.
When Does Summer End?Edit
See reference to when does Summer begin.
Holidays That Take Place During SummerEdit
July 4th - do any of the others matter? I don't think so!!!
The History Of SummerEdit
How The Lord Meant Summer To Be CelebratedEdit
The Lord Almighty meant summer to be celebrated with sun and heat and the 4th of July in the middle of it. [You are on notice, Southern Hemisphere - no celebrating Christmas in shorts and beach cook outs! Jesus was born in a snow storm which is why there were no rooms at the inn].
How Liberals Have Ruined Summer For EveryoneEdit
By protesting the treatment of seasonal farm workers! Lettuce, grapes and peaches aren't going to pick themselves!
By producing scare mongering advertising about the perils of sunburn. If I want to get past my first burn of the season and get a nice dark tan, I will.
How Summer Differs From The Other SeasonsEdit
Summer was designed to let kids out of the boring classroom where all they get is knowledge, knowledge, knowledge and out into the fields where they can do some good to pay back their parents for giving them life in the first place.
As we came into the modern era [since the 1950s], Summer became the reinforcement for mothers to stay at home where they belong! Summer and school hours are not compatible with two working parents - so stay at home, Moms! The summer is far too long for the kid to be in daycare or camp the whole time so Moms everywhere have to give up their careers and aspirations to be like their husbands - get the message, Moms! Its your fault if your kid grows up to be an axe murder!
Activities Associated With SummerEdit
- Renting a Condo with a view on a nudist beach
- Cleaning up mountain man poop. 
Summer Dos And Don'tsEdit
- Flaming Summer BBQs
- Flag Waving
- Smoke to keep away bugs and look cool
- Take a vacation to some exotic place like Bali, Jamaica or a Dude Ranch [Jones!! I'm keeping up with you!]
- Or, visit one of America's landmarks!
- Set off 4th of July fireworks and stay real close to see lift off
- Don't combine flaming BBQs with Flag Waving (Flag-burners - you're on notice!!)
- Hey, Sarah, Jennifer, Ryan and Freddie - wag of the finger, we know what you did last summer
- Don't take a whole month off at a time (You're on notice, France! What? You've got no work ethic!!)