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A Stork is long legged bird with a huge beak. Storks can grow upwords of 8 feet in height, and live all over the world. The most unique feature of a stork is his ability to deliver babies to
"loose women" soon to be loving mothers.
The Stork Delivery MethodEdit
When a straight, married couple wishes to have a baby, they usually go to the hospital. When they arrive at the hospital and their intentions are made known, a stork is notified, and after 12-48 hours of flight time the stork will bring baby to the hospital. After the stork cuts umbilical cord (used to teather the baby to the stork during flight) the infant is delivered directly into the mother's arms. Although, they are often by that point crying, windburned, and covered with blood and smashed insects due to the rigors of flying hanging from a storks beak.
Some smart aleck might ask, "Where do baby storks come from?" This may seem like a paradox, until you tell them that Storks were made as adult storks at the creation, and that they are immortal. Storks are so important they mentioned in the Greatest Book EVER! as a bird that humans are forbidden to eat.
How Storks Do ItEdit
Much mystery surrounds how storks are able to aquire and deliver human infants to their mothers....why do you think they call it a miracle? Well storks do it in 5 easy steps, here they are:
Step one: Whales poop in the ocean
Step two: Fish, also living in the ocean, eat the whale poop
Step three: Storks eat the fish that have a bellyful of fresh whale poo.
Step four: Storks get babies
Step five: Storks fly and deliver babies to their new mothers.
A Stork's Role in AbortionEdit
When a mother chooses to have an abortion, another notification is sent, this time to the black "Abortion Stork". The stork who is carrying the baby is ambushed by this Abortion Stork, who wrestles the crying baby away, and swiftly flys away.
After the Abortion Stork has the unwanted baby in his clutches, the takes it back to its nest. Once there, he will use his razor sharp beak, and talon-like claws to rip the baby to shreads so that it can be fed to it's young. As you can well imagine, black Abortion Storks have feasted well over the last 35 years since Roe v. Wade.
Other Baby Producing TheoriesEdit
- Babies are made out of love.
- A loving father may place his seed (or in some cases, droven in with one well timed thrust) into a furtile mound, and with enough care a baby will grow and be born in a cabbage patch.
- Hatched from eggs.
- Birds and Bees "pollinating" each other.