Stephen Colbert's Fallback Position

12,431pages on
this wiki
Add New Page
Talk0 Share
Stephen Colbert's Fallback Position
is a featured segment of
the Greatest American Television Show--EVER!!!, The Colbert Report.

A segment where Stephen explains alternative jobs he would hold if his TV gig doesn't last.


  • February 13, 2008

Friend of the show, Neil deGrasse Tyson, of the Hayden Planetarium explains everything Stephen needs to know to be an astrophysicist.

  • Meteorites look like English Muffins
  • licking a meteor might be the oldest thing Stephen's tongue has touched (behind Jane Fonda)
  • no air in space, but there is a museum about it
  • Tom Hanks sounds like Maya Angelou while explaining everything
  • all of human history, including this moment right now, is in the one human hair at the Hayden Planetarium. Did that just blow your mind?


Part 1Edit

  • November 6, 2008

  • doesn't normally wear a tuxedo
  • promises not to yell during the whole interview
  • was 25 in clandestine service
  • never killed anyone, but couldn't really tell anyone
    • may have been 7
  • never seduced a woman spy on a mission
  • no seduction, cold-blooded humping
  • intelligence medal of merit
    • no longer undercover
  • won't sell his medal to Stephen
  • difference between spy and magician
    • engage in deception, illusion
  • was thinking of the 4 of clubs
  • adopted a whole new identity
  • was born in Scotland
  • next week Dr. Colbert will learn what sacrifices are needed to become a spy
    • things may or may not go up your butt!

Part 2Edit


  1. assume nothing
  2. be prepared to take risks
  3. need to carry out a covert mission
  • a camera tie
    • to hide the ugly tie and take pictures of other ugly ties
  • rectal tool kit
    • can be found by anyone not looking in the spy's butt
  • Vietnamese used tunnel
    • similar to ant farms
  • concealment device
    • looks like a dictionary fits in one's butt
  • second-hand smoke delivery device
  • rectal concealment device for cyanide capsule
    • more rectal activity than imagined
    • n o other place to hide things
  • fly button compass
    • to find one's fly
  • a tool to remove rectal devices
  • Dr. Colbert demonstrated he could successfully remove Peter Ernest's medal from the museum

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.

Also on Fandom

Random Wiki