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Stephen Colbert's Current Events

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Stephen Colbert's Current Events
is a featured segment of
the Greatest American Television Show--EVER!!!, The Colbert Report.


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July 27, 2009 Shocking NewsEdit

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  • tasers have long been used to take down rampaging criminals
    • like 72-year-old great grandmother Kathryn Winkfein (YouTube)
    • Ms. Winkfein threatened to castrate a police officer with a 12-inch bowie knife (refused to sign her parking ticket)
    • then made him shove her
    • ultimately uttering the three words that gave him no choice but to pull out his taser:
Winkfein said, "I dare you."
  • standard police procedure is to tase on the first dare
    • on a double-dog dare, you sic two dogs on the perp
  • defibrillating old ladies seems to be "fine"
  • she should write Officer Bieze a "thank you note" once her hand stops spasming
  • Tasers are effective tools for any law enforcement situation
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  • Stephen discusses how tasers work in a police officer's daily routine with his Conscience
    • they come to an understanding after Stephen suggests several alternatives to tasers, such as:
      • tear gas
      • night sticks
      • attack dogs
      • firehoses

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