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Stephen Colbert's AmeriCone Dream

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WonkyEarPub08
CashDrawer
Stephen Colbert's AmeriCone Dream
is available for purchase
from and for the benefit of Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.
Colbertx-large

Two Hippies + One Hero = America's Most Patriotic Ice Cream


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The sweet taste of liberty in your mouth.
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~ Stephen Colbert


Ben & Jerry's is the latest company to ride Stephen Colbert's coattails. They recently announcedEpisode #222 the release of Stephen Colbert's AmeriCone Dream, a new flavor of ice cream available in freedom-loving freezer cases near you.


IngredientsEdit

AmeriConeDream

A Real Ice Cream to honor Our Beloved Stephen.

  • vanilla - the vast majority of the ice cream, and America
  • fudge-covered waffle cone chunks - the darkest part of the recipe covers up the broken parts of the ice cream, let Jesse Jackson explain that one
  • ribbons of caramel - the sweetest part of the ice cream is also the burnt part and a sticky part
  • the possibility of having children - also sticky

Here's what Stephen had to say: "I'm not afraid to say it. Dessert has a well-known liberal agenda," adding later "What I hope to do with this ice cream is bring some balance back to the freezer case."

Clearly the heroes at Ben and Jerry's have their priorities straight, so get eating America! All Stephen's proceeds go to charity. Eat It, Bono!!! (Seriously, eat it, Bono.)

By the way, it's damn tasty.

Public ReactionEdit

WillieEatsIt

Eat it, Willie.


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It's America in dessert form.
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~ Stephen Colbert
March 13, 2007


Prior to Lent, Colbert's wife, Evelyn, and their daughter, Madeline, and sons, Peter and John, sampled the dessert at their home in New Jersey.

AmeriConeDream2

What it looks like when a Wikiality.com admin holds a pint of Stephen Colbert's AmeriCone Dream Ice cream

"They sent home unmarked containers of ice cream," Colbert says. "We tasted it. My wife said it was the best ice cream she has ever had. And I don't think it's just because she's married to me, so we gave it a thumbs up."


More reactions were recorded in the United We Lick: America Tastes For Stephen segment of The Report on the night Ben & Jerry announced the new flavor.


Those non-American-speaking visitors from the south have claimed outrage at the Americone title being similar to the espanol swearword, Maricón, meaning "fairy" or "faggot." This only proves that in order to enjoy the sweet American goodness, in its full masculine form, you have to be a full blooded American-speaking American.


Finally, the heroes of Boston, Taxachusetts are able to have the tasty goodness that is AmeriCone Dream. 100,000,000,000 times better than that hippy ice cream Cherry Garcia, this ice cream has been known to give a Colgasm or three to those that taste it. I'm having one now.


Rush Limbaugh was recently seen clutching several pints to his chest as he exited his local grocery store shouting, "AmeriCone Dream is the best ice cream in the world and if you don't agree, you're a terrorist! You're in bed with the bears!! You're the worst kind of anti-American terrorist-bear!!!"

ControversyEdit

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It's patriotism by the pint.
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~ Stephen Colbert


Though the perfect blend of flavors that can clean any person's soul, Americone Dream lacks one ingredient that will truly makes it into the mythical 4th Flavor (First 3 are :Vanilla, Chocolate, and Love). That ingredient is pus, found in high concentration in Jesus Milk. But those liberal, sweet-toothed ice men from hell, Ben and Jerry, refuse to use cows that have been given rBGH because they believe they are too good to eat pus.

Ben & Jerry's parent company Unilever gave $467,000 to defeat California's Proposition 37 in November 2012 in order to keep from having to label their products that potentially contain genetically modified ingredients (GMOs). Soy & corn are also ingredients in Americone Dream, and without a certified organic label, are most likely genetically modified.

Some Americans have taken labeling into their own hands. Do you think they could genetically modify these ingredients to grow on the space station, or even Mars? At least that would keep the chemicals they use to grow these GMOs out of Earth's limited freshwater supply.


Colbert as an MandM character

Colbert, who has the power to turn into an M&M at will, holding his AmeriCone Dream ice cream high.

FactoidsEdit

  • AmeriCone Dream is an excellent source of saturated fat.
  • AmeriCone Dream is delicious with salt.
  • AmeriCone Dream repels bears.

See AlsoEdit

External LinksEdit


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