God Touching Adam
"Stephen's Written Word"
you have been touched in a very special way.
Stephen's Written Word
is just one of the many gifts the Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.
has bestowed upon all of humankind. Thank you Dr. Colbert, thank you.
Stephen's Book Club has determined that Stephen's Written Word is one of the rare books not destroying America and has spared it from the flames.

Like The Greatest President Ever, Professor Dr. Stephen Colbert, D.F.A., has no need to read books for "facts," as he derives all necessary truthiness from his own gut. Nonetheless, out of the goodness of his own heart Dr. Colbert has taken it upon himself to reach out to his fellow Americans of all stripes, including the godless liberals and communist acamedians who go in for book-learning. As a result, Our Glorious Stephen has produced a number of top-notch authoritarial contributions in all the important writerly genres, from journalism to fiction to self-help to some other genres.

The following list does not claim to exhaust Stephen Colbert's gifts to the field of literature, but does hope to give you some impression of his enormous importance as a contemporary writer. We are sure that this importance will continue to grow, and equally sure that the fine people at the various writing award granting institutions are not far behind those of us here at in recognizing this truth. Are there balls in your court, Pulitzer?? Let's find out.

Stephen's Written Word
is Lincolnish

And you're not.

Journalism Edit


  • Top 50 States That Are Destroying America
On the April 25th, 2006 episode, Dr. Colbert introduced this book during The Threat Down as part of the #4 threat of Illinois. So far, not too much is known about this book except that Illinois is tied with Delaware for #32 on the list.
  • Don't Buy This Book if You Don't Have the Balls
  • How Native Americans Have Maybe Been Screwed by This Country
  • Colbert Lib
  • Don't Buy This Book if You Don't Have the Balls - For Kids

Scholarly WorksEdit

While so-called "scientist" Dr. Peter Singer has suggested that this work won't be considered "legitimite" until it has been "published" in a "peer-reviewed" "scientific" "journal," Dr. Colbert knows that his ground-breaking work on ficuses has already been published in the one place where it matters most: his gut.
  • Silent Night: Reassessing the Sociological Imprint of the Tiananmen Square Massacre
  • Yet Another Pointless JFK Biography


Introduced in the segment where Tad, the building manager demonstrated emergency evacuation procedures for The Eagle's Nest studio.
  • He's Just Not That Fanatical About You
Stephen offered this book in his ongoing attempt to foil the work of terrorists, this time by helping terrorist-loving women figure out whether the dictators they love are truly fanatical about them or perhaps just mildly obsessed.
  • Humping The Kama Sutra
This work is still in the "proposal" stage, as Dr. Colbert's anticipated co-author, Bruce Feiler, has yet to make a firm commitment.

Featured Works of Fiction and Other Ways Stephen Stays "Hip and In-Tune" with The KidsEdit

Several times on The Colbert Report, Stephen has read passages from this book, which is rife with violence, action, and sex. On the March 15, 2006 edition of The Daily Show, he offered the position of Lady Nocturne in a film adaptation of the book to Natalie Portman.
To date, publishers have inexplicably avoided riding Stephen's coattails, forcing The Good Doctor to begin self-producing the animated adventures based on his obviously wonderful, but as yet unpublished, Pulitzer worthy novel.
  • Stephen has also mentioned the possibility of a mystery novel follow-up to his highly successful unpublished first novel. The equally or even more successful follow-up will be called Stephen Colbert's Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Codeventure.


In addition to the many, multiple, sundry, divers, various, manifold, myriad contributions Stephen has made to the field of American letters, he is also an accomplished poet. Amongst his better known pieces are works like "Pulitzer":

Each night after I televise
The soul of America cries:
"This man named Colbert,
He is firm but yet fair,
Give him the Pulitzer Prize."
by Stephen Colbert

Awards Stephen's Written Word Has, Should Have, or Will WinEdit

  • Pulitzer Prize
    • please note: Stephen has not yet won a Pulitzer Prize. This is entirely the fault of the Pulitzer Prize selection committee, who seem to have been asleep on the job again in 2007.
  • National Book Award

See AlsoEdit

Stephen's Written Word
is available for purchase
from and for the benefit of Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.

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