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has been granted full United States "citizenship"
for their donation to Republican causes.
America thanks you, Starbucks

Liberals flip-flopping and pandering to make extra money for their Starbucks addictions. They got it bad.

Starbucks is a place that makes coffee. They recently raised their prices by an outrageous five cents per cup, which upset Stephen Colbert, who is an avid drinker of five-shot Venti Caramel Mocha Lattes. He attempted to boycott all Starbucks products, starting on the October 5th, 2006 episode of his show The Colbert Report (which is also the most-watched show in America), but was unable to resist the caramel mocha latte-ness. Female viewers report being turned on. There are persistent rumors that Starbucks has plans already in motion to attain complete world domination, and it is predicted that Starbucks will declare war on the United States of America and her allies as soon as 2050. If Starbucks takes over the world, they will put Osama-jong Castro IV as supreme leader and all will be lost.

There is, of course, a Starbucks under Stephen Colbert's desk.

The End Of The WorldEdit

The road to Armageddon began on Feb. 26th, 2008, when Starbucks closed ALL of their U.S. stores (7,100 of them), supposedly in order to retrain their Baristas. They really closed down in order to torture the man, the myth, the legend, Stephen Colbert, who was forced to sniff fumes from a Starbucks cup and workout, eventually going temporarily insane. After assaulting a female staffer, he was chained below the Eagle's Nest, where he eventually escaped to buy a couple of Venti Starbucks drinks, just to pour them on himself in the shower (and it was HAWT).


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