South Park is a Comedy Central reality show that often follows the Colbert Report and therefore it receives half of the 100 million viewers that watch the Colbert Report. South Park follows the lives of four young boys living in South Park, Colorado. The four boys include two Nazi-liberals named Kyle and Stan, a constantly dying poor character named Kenny, and an America-loving, bear-killing, and hippie-destroying Eric Cartman.
Trey Parker and Matt Stone are creators of South Park, however Matt Stone is Jewish so all he does is count the money.
Eric Cartman (Eric Colbert)Edit
Eric Cartman is the bastard son of Dr.Stephen Colbert, DFA and Malinda Gates (Not to be confused with Melinda Gates). After enduring chronic depression after Bill Clinton's re-election Malinda took a Job as a Chemist in a Lab. It was there that she accidentally dropped a tube onto her lap containing the first grams of Stephen Colbert's Formula 401. The fact that Eric is the son of Stephen explains his gravitas and huge balls. Eric has received huge praise from true Americans for exposing the smallness of Osama Bin Laden's penis and for eliminating hippie scum from the face of the Earth.
The Results of Cartman's DNA testEdit
In South Park Season 2 Episode 2 "Cartman’s Mom is Still a Dirty Slut", a DNA test performed by medical expert Mephisto revealed that Eric Cartman's mom, Mrs. Cartman, is in fact Eric Cartman's dad.
This startling discovery has led medical scientists to re-examine Mr. Colbert's role in Eric Cartman's lineage. After examining many possible hypotheses, the global scientific community has settled on two equally plausible theories:
- Stephen Colbert is, in fact, Eric Cartman's mother. The identity of Eric's mother was never revealed on South Park, some people say as part of a far-reaching government conspiracy to hide Stephen Colbert's true identity. But those people are really just dirty hippies.
- Eric Cartman is actually the young Stephen Colbert living undercover in a timewarp.
- Stephen Colbert gave Eric up for adoption after realizing that Eric could be in danger by having such an awesome father as the great Stephen Colbert.
Amongst the other potential theories that were eventually discarded was Nobel Laureate Dr. Tiberius Maaloxivich's assertion that at least three parents had to have been involved in Eric Cartman's conception. Though the extra chromosomes would explain Eric's excess of personality, this theory was ultimately rejected because it was just too gay.
South Park's Contributions to SocietyEdit
South park has made Americans aware of the dangers involving, Man-Bear-Pigs, Hybrids, and Using Worsteshire Sauce for Embalming Fluid.
ManBearPig (Al Gore's Alter Ego)Edit
Main Article; Al Gore
Thought by many to be a fabrication of Al Gore's stupidity, further investigation by investigators in The War on Norrisism, it was concluded that Al Gore was in fact, the evil ManBearPig.
Using Worcestershire Sauce for Embalming FluidEdit
It is now, thanks to South Park, a well known fact that if you replace embalming fluid with Worcestershire sauce, you make zombies. Zombies are godless killing machines, and therefore they are Things That Hurt The Baby Jesus. In fact, zombies work in close collaboration with bears. And in fact it tastes really good with steaks.
A recent South Park episode has revealed that driving hybrids will result in you being a stupid smug asshole, creating a cloud of poisonous gas (smug), and an irresistible urge to smell your own farts.