"Sonic the Hedgehog"
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Sonic the Hedgehog
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Sonic the Hedgehog is a videogame character and a rival of Mario in the "Brightest Colored Videogame Mascot" contest. His features include blue fur(?) and spikes, red shoes with a white stripe, no pants, and often refers to himself as the fastest thing alive (a crude sexual reference). He stars in many games and cartoons both of which have a high(ly) whiney fanbase.

History Edit

Sonic first started out as a normal hedgehog and then was sucked into the videogame world by Japanese Sorcery where he became blue and put on shoes and pretty much stopped looking like a hedgehog altogether. The games resemble an acid trip on speed where you have to chase after a fat man with an extreme mustachio that flies around in a mortorcycle that melted around his body.

Sonic - Mario Connection Edit

Sonic and Mario were bitter rivals long ago during the age of "pre-Colbert Report" but since the dawning of the Nintendo Wii, they have joined their powers of primary colors and produced two individual games with the same purpose; To bring some happiness between Dr. Colbert's busy schedule and life. Their rivalry, of course, was about whether or not Dr. Colbert was a doctor or a professor. Mario said doctor and Sonic stuck with professor, but in the end they went with doctor because Nintendo (like Dr. Colbert) is always right. In order to realize this dream the two have put their arguments aside to develop a game for Dr. Colbert to play, Mario and Sonic at the Olympics.

Games Edit

Despite popular belief, Sonic has only starred in five games. The games that he is the star in are as follows:

  • Sonic the Hedgehog
  • Sonic the Hedgehog 2
  • Sonic the Hedgehog 3
  • Sonic and Knuckles
  • Sonic and the Secret Rings

The rest of the games actually star another blue hedgehog named Sonic the Hedgehog created by Sonic Team.

Cartoons Edit

Sonic stars in many cartoon series all of which were written by the same monkeys in a room that wrote The Incomplete Works of Shakespear. Some of the most famous of these cartoons are:

  • Sonic the Hedgehog (known as SatAM by the fans)
  • Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog
  • Sonic Underground
  • Sonic X
  • Sonic Y
  • Sonic Z
  • Sonic æ
  • The Jeffersons

Side-kicks / Rivals Edit

Sonic has many companions and rivals that keep appearing in games no matter how much the fans complain.

Miles "Tails" Prower - Tails is a mutant fox with two tails, and is Sonic's first and most girly side-kick. Since his mutant power was dubbed as "lame" by Professor Xavier of the X-Men Tails was forced to look for work as a side-kick for a blue hedgehog. His two tails give him various powers such as:

  • Flight
  • Super intellegence
  • Bacon and eggs
  • The abilty to balance himself twice as efficiently as a normal, bipedal fox

Knuckles the Echidna - Knuckles is a red echidna (an animal that the videogame company Sega had made up and then placed in Australia) that lives alone on an island that floats in the sky, but not all the time. His powers are the ability to hit things really hard and to pitydafool. Knuckles was a rival of Sonic's but then decided to be his side-kick for legal reasons that he doesn't want to disclose.

Shadow the Hedgehog - Shadow is a black and red hedgehog who constantly challenges Sonic to see who is the better hedgehog. The problem with this is that Shadow is actually a tenrec (another animal made by Sega) and no one has the heart to tell him since it would probably end in suicide or another bad T.V. show. His powers are:

  • Chaos Control (the ability to stop time)
  • Chaos Blast (the ability to a'splode)
  • Chaos Spear (the ability to flick radioactive boogers)
  • Chaos Dance (the ability to get down with his funky, hedgehog self)

Amy Rose - Yet another hedgehog in the world of Sonic. She is an obsessive stalker who fell in love with Sonic and chases him all over the globe. When asked "why" she stated "I just like a guy who runs around with no pants ;)"

  • She has no powers and everyone wonders why she exists at all.

Enemies Edit

Sonic has only one true enemy and that is Dr. Ivo Robotnik (also known as Eggman to the Japanese and The Beatles). Eggman is that mustachioed fat man who keeps making machines that don't work. His tactic for defeating Sonic has always been Make machine. Make easily accessible weakpoint on machine. Make Machine really slow with only one weapon. Although Robotnik admits to the flaws in his designs he refuses to change it as it is against his religion.

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