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Al Franken
Social Security has earned

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Satan Proclaiming his love for Social Security

Social Security is a Ponzi Scheme originally created by Democrats to give your money to unemployed teen lesbian single moms. Social Security supports 98% of West Virginia's population. It is an idea loved by flaming pinko commie America haters. Thankfully, before the communists could hatch their nefarious plan, economists turned it into a pro-capitalist program that helps Uncle Sam fund wars and steal from poor people.


Social Security was started in 1912 by President Franklin Roosevelt. He decided to bring communism to the United States covertly by introducing this rip off of the American People.

It has since been embraced by gays and liberals.

How Economists Saved Social SecurityEdit

Social Security is totally solvent. It works by taxing poor people and immediately spending the money on useful things like wars and man-sized safes. You balance the books by giving the Social Security Administration a bunch of government bonds. When the bonds mature, you just give Social Security new government bonds. It's like free money. Some commie Democrats are concerned that if more people live past the retirement age then the free money will stop and Social Security will have to pay out more than it takes in, but this is only a consequence of the communist plan for everyone to have health insurance. If only rich people have health insurance then poor people won't live past the retirement age and we can keep spending their money on wars forever.

Social security tax was designed by capitalists. This is a secret and the commie Democrats don't know it, so don't tell them. Here's how it works: You only pay social security tax if you work. If you're rich and make all your money from investments then you don't have to pay it. Likewise, if you make a lot of money then you don't have to pay as high a percentage of your income as people who make less money, because there is a cap to keep really rich people from having to pay too much. This is the opposite of those commie progressive tax brackets: You pay a fixed percentage until you make enough to hit the cap and then you enter the 0% tax bracket reserved for rich people.

Social security tax has the added benefit of taxing the self-employed twice as much as people who work for big corporations. This helps to make sure that little companies fold up instead of upsetting the apple cart and ruining things for stalwarts like General Motors, AT&T and the Recording Industry Association of America. Nobody needs competition unless you have to thwart an antitrust investigation.

How Social Security Promotes Violence and MurderEdit

It is a well known fact that once people become dependent on free money they are unable to form a coherent thought that leads to violence and erratic behavior; this is what many professionals indicate to be a form of addiction. These Welfare Queens suffer from violent withdrawal symptoms that will escalate into dangerous levels. Luckily the Tea Party has professed free market solutions to solve this problem.

People Who Support Social Security Edit

External TubesEdit

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