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Skunkape

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Al Franken
AnimatedCommieFlag
Skunkape has earned
the (Senator) Franken COMMUNIST-SOCIALIST-MARXIST SEAL OF APPROVAL
BabyJesusSad
Skunkape
makes The Baby Jesus sad.
Does your mother know you read these filthy liberal myths?
Skunk-ape

Careful! Don't look directly into the foul beast's eyes! For if you do, your children will be born with a hideous, incurable strain of the Polio!

The Skunkape is easily the most terrifying creature ever to roam the Earth. It is known to live in Florida and has paralyzed innocent Floridians and made many reluctant to leave their homes at night. But where did this terrifying behemoth come from and why are they here?

EvilutionEdit

Skunkape is one of the oldest known animal species on the planet, originating in what is now known as Brazil approximately 6,000 years ago. Many fossils have been found of T-Rexes with strange bite marks, later realized to have been caused by Skunkape, leading many experts to believe that the Skunkape and T-Rex were mortal enemies.

Discovery & Subsequent Plague In South AmericaEdit

Their domination over South America, most acute in Brazil, continued up until 2000, when a poor sugarcane farmer named Luiz Inacio da Silva got tired of his crop being routinely devoured by entire hordes of Skunkape. The man did some research and found that a small village in Chile had managed to fend off the scourge. He immediately traveled to the village to learn the secret of how the village had managed to rid itself of the horrors of Skunkape, known in Latin America as “Karamia Perdita,” which loosely translates to:

“He who quenches his thirst with the blood of the children.”

Upon Luiz's Arrival In ChileEdit

Upon reaching the village, the villagers directed him to their Elder Council, a council made up of the wisest of all the villagers, and he explained to them the plight of the Brazilian people.

He explained to them that the country lived in constant fear of Skunkape attack, and had to close down their public school system as too many parents had pulled their children out of school for fear of having them attacked by Skunkape, as they had acquired a taste for small children since the creation of the world 6,000 years ago.

The elders were sympathetic to the plight of the Brazilian people, and told them how they were able to fend off the roving bands of Skunkape, they had used Macaws. Luiz had never heard of such a creature and inquired about its origins.

The council informed him that Macaws were a bird created by the village’s shaman in an attempt to rid their land of the Skunkape menace. The elders gave him four of their finest Macaws, two male and two female, and bid Luiz luck on his quest.

Now Armed With MacawsEdit

Luiz returned home and immediately began breeding his new Macaws. He was amazed to see how quickly the Macaws reproduced and matured, as he had well over one hundred fighting age birds within 2 months.

Luiz went to the head of the Brazilian government and informed him of his plan to wage war on the roving hordes of Skunkape with an army of Macaws. The president, Jesus Pablo de Mariachi, was delighted and, in conjunction with Luiz, developed a secret underground Macaw breeding program, and they were able to breed over three thousand Macaws by the beginning of 2001.

Jesus decided they had as many birds as they would need and declared war on the Skunkape menace. The “Revolucion del Karamia Perdita,” as it came to be known, wreaked great havoc amongst the Brazilian people.

When the war was finally won in 2003 and the last Skunkape had either fled the continent or been killed, the death toll for the Brazilian people had reached two million, including Jesus, their president, and also the pinky on Luiz’s left hand, which was tragically lost in an epic fistfight with a Skunkape.

The people unanimously decided to elect Luiz their new president, because they had grown to respect him for being the only man ever to fight a Skunkape without the aid of a macaw and survive. Luiz’s first official act as president was to make the Macaw Brazil’s national animal, in honor of the tremendous role they had played in the war against the Skunkape.

In Case of Skunkape EncounterEdit

  • Skunkape have an inbred hatred of all things American, so make sure to conceal any Big Macs, Chuck Norris movies, or copies of I Am America (And So Can You!).
  • Skunkape can smell freedom, in case of attack tell the monster that you are a Commie (but cross your fingers, so it doesn't count). Desperate times call for desperate measures.
  • Unless you happen to have a Macaw on hand, do not attempt to engage the Skunkape in any kind of combat. Skunkape are extremely deadly and can easily overpower the average man.

See AlsoEdit

Evil dolphin
Stephen hates utah
Skunkape is in Wikiality's Animal Perdition

This horrid beast will spend eternity wandering the vitriolous wastelands of Utah.

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